I lost love and now life.
well not really. Alhumdulilah
You know when you wanted something your whole life and suddenly it becomes so difficult you feel like you are either going to fall short of the qualities or just burn the light yourself. You can try but even despite your trying, you feel depressed none the less, what do you do then? Do you just quit and be scared of how your siblings/parents/husband/inlaws/relatives/friends/classmates will judge you and you’ll regret the decision you made. You’d feel incapable of anything, unable to provide for your parents or teach your kids, or even motivate/ guide your siblings to a brighter future, ’cause who are you to guide someone when you couldn’t follow through or keep up with a life time goal? Is being practical and ignoring your failure worth it or is it to try once more with chance of more depression/stress/failure ?
He walks into the room and quickly finds an empty spot on the sofa next to one of the uncles. His friend, standing to the side, comes forward and looks at him with brows raised, in a matter of question. He smirks, and mouths out the word, ‘nothing’. After a good fifteen minutes of listening and nodding to the conversation of the men in the room, he excuses himself and heads outside. There, he first looks up toward the upper level of the house, sighs, and sits on the front steps.
He hears footsteps coming from inside. They sounded like heels for the first few steps, which then disappeared. Now the sound was of flats, shuffling, hitting the ground and getting closer. The metal door creeks open, and he turns to see her, with her phone to her ear and a tear on her cheek. She doesn’t notice him sitting there. He pulls up his arm and waves before she steps out. He sees her look down right at him with a blank face, turns her phone off, and says, ‘what’. He bits his lower lip, gets up, looks at the sky and then at her and says, ‘you know, you’re still a likeable kind of weird’.
Ok, so what should the title of this be? Any suggestions? Anyone want to fill in the next post and create some suspense?
So I was just talking to one of my friends on ‘whatsapp’ and decided I should write a post about the different friends I have or have had in the past. Each of them has had a huge impact on my life, in oneway or another.
1- The one from high school who I still stay in touch with but hardly ever see in person. That friend was with you through those four years, which btw kids, are not the best years of your life…College/Uni/Grad/Doctorate School are actually the best years of your life…I mean mine at least. Anyway, this friend took a plunge into life and reality before I did: I’m talking about all that jazz (I never would’a thought I’d ever say that). I’m talking about taking care of her siblings, then the sibling 14 yrs younger than her, then getting married at age whatever that you planned to get hitched, the jobs, and now that freaking-adorable-baby! UGH. May Allah bless you, my Best Friend! She taught me to find happiness in every situation.
2- Those couple of friends who you met in junior high school. You three where so close in highschool and even more so in College. I miss that. Their names would rhyme with the other and you’d feel like either the third wheel or the most important one. After graduation, ties just loosened up (metaphor) and we hardly talk now. None the less, they taught me to live life to the fullest.
3- The friend who you became friends with by accident. The best and worst of all. Seven seas apart and hearts in overlap. That was something. I still get the unintentional dreams about this person, even though its all ash now. My pally taught me to love and to love myself.
4- The College cutie. That shy friend you met as a freshman in College. The sweetest! She invited me to my first sleepover but I didn’t go since you know…we lived like three blocks away and my parents don’t like the idea of sleepovers at other people’s homes. She’s the one responsible for where I am today. Thanks for the inspiration, friend! She taught me to keep trying, and trying.
5- Born to and raised by the best of the best. My mama. She taught me everything; also how its ok to make mistakes and how to fix them. 6- My frienemy. My sister and so many memories! My only sister taught me to fight for what I belive in and not to give a whatever from those people in the community. I still don’t know who they are. She also crushed my dreams of becoming a baker and now I am a
candlestick maker person taking on the big world of bodily functions and what not. That sounds gross.
7- My first roommie. She was the one I cried in front of. I broke down so many times because of all the drama back in NY and else where. I go to her with my problems in a plate and she
eats them for sure knows how to make you feel special. Thanks L.A chick…not Los Angeles…I meant Louisiana lol. She taught me that there are more people than the ones from NY lol, and to always keep hoping and praying for the best.
8- This Sikh person is now my first apt mate. First year here and she found out I was from NY as she was. The area code in a phone# could give away your life, I never knew. Well, she was Valedictorian of her high school and did get a full ride to Buffalo Univ. She taught me what its like to be faithful and have belief to your religion, and how there is more to life than chicken and eggs.
9- The new bestie I found too late. Yes, a Canadian, yet an exception. A kind friend she is. Yes, she woulda let you walk all over her. but she showed me and helped me to keep on going, and to recycle. I also taught her to toughen up. And she has.
10- The one who has my mother’s name. She takes care of me here. The friend who isn’t afraid to experience things or talk to random people. She taught me to calm down, because its not always the end of the world. This one taught me to appreciate myself and the awkward funny that I am [thats what she thinks, anyway].
11- These guys…my brothers. I’ll never be as cool or funny as they are. I just don’t want to disappoint them. I know they think I’m annoying and blah. They taught me to keep smiling and how to deal with all the nonsense. They taught me that I will always have them when I don’t know who to send the dumb puns/memes I find online.
10- You guys, who taught me to keep my memories alive.
Here’s a pigment of my imagination. An act, a screenplay if you will.
“I need closure, dang it. I don’t care. You know how I am”, Eva whispers with frustration in his ear, with one hand holding onto his forearm against the brick wall besides them and the other clenched shut withstanding the force of his fingers around her fist. She leans away, and positions her self off her tippy toes, looks up straight into his eyes with confusion. They both hear the footsteps of the other guests welcoming themselves out onto the rooftop as well. Eva shifts her eyes, as does he, looking towards the set of steps they were standing on. She walks down to the door and makes herself part of the crowd. He, flushed with emotions and fright disappears to the top level of the roof.
The group of girls linger around, looking out to the city, enjoying one anothers’ company. Eva glances to the top level to see him walk down and greet himself to everyone there, and shortly after heading towards the door. Reaching the door he stops and looks back at her with a still face and heads downstairs.
To be continued….
I need your help, if you can answer these dang questions, that would be great. I have some clue, on what I think the answers should be from what I feel, but lets face it, ‘pagal hogai’ (Insert voice of dramatic Phebe from Friends, ‘THIS IS MADNESS I TELL YOU, For the Love of God!!!’, which btw I finished for the second time, all seasons; twice… I mean, the show Friends.) as my mom would call me. So, I want to know if I am delusional for thinking how/what I do.
OK, good luck. I’m not expecting much enthusiasm. None the less, I applaud you all for being here with me. Loners FTW. JK, I’m the only one lol (the good old generic lol. ah #jokes).