Post Eid 2016.

I went to this Eid expo thing the night before Eid and the results minus the ugly nail art:

it was OK

I made my friends watch a favorite movie of mine [which now might be replaced by ‘Mr.Right’. Hilarious]. It’s called ‘Gia’ from 1998, staring Angelina Joli. Ah but this time it felt like it was too slow or maybe I wasn’t fast forwarding it as much as the first time I saw AND decided it would be my favorite movie. Ugh, now I can’t call myself ‘artsy’, not that my nail art compliments my talent. Maybe I’m trying to hard to be artistic… 

This here is the one and only piece of —– [jk no cussing!] art I attempted and got so motivated and overly confident. The result, t -minus two years later: 

Ha, it even says the date I started. This is sad. Well, not really.

Since Ramadan has ended recently, I have found that I’ve been spending so much time thinking. Not the smart-person type of thinking. It’s more like the thinking a greedy-fatso type of person would do: Food. Ah. I can go on and on writing about my obsessions LINK.My recent obsession for the past week was OITNB mostly because Ruby Rose. DUH. 🌶

its Kawa

I had a couple of birthday outings and this was one of them. It was fun! And below is another birthday thing my friend took me out for. It’s a video of a fountain near downtown Chicago. I never knew it existed.

So far life is going good. Alhumdulilah. 


The last ten days.

In Sha Allah let’s all try to make the best of the last Ashra of Ramadan! I can’t believe it’s almost over. I feel like I have not met my goals. That is the worst feeling ever. Please forgive me if I have wronged or offended anyone who reads this stuff on my blog. Also thanks to everyone …for reading, not the getting offended part Lolz. 

I was going to go on and on about something but I forgot. Anyways, happy fasting, praying, and reaching those goals! And here’s to all my food fanatics:

You’re Welcome. Or sorry if you’re fasting! In my defense you should all know I post pictures of edible things. JK sorry!

Ramadan 2016

Its been almost two days of fasting (T minus 2.5 hrs until Iftar) and has been two nights of Ramadan already! I do have goals this month. Alhumdulilah. I’m sure everyone is trying their best to be a better version of themselves this month, as well as a better person to carry on after this blessed month, In Sha Allah. This will be the second year I am observing Ramadan without my family, because I am back in Chicago. I’ve got my head on straight and I am trying to be focused on the things that matter.

The past has been up and down, but I am here, once again, trying to make the best of the present and future. I still dua for everyone I love, but now I am trying to make myself feel happy, because if you are happy yourself others can not disappoint you. You just find the best in everyone like those silly freakishly-happy-people-from Chicago. So, yea I am happy now Alhumdulilah and I dua that everyone I meet and interact with can be happy too. This goes back to my post about “being around happy people“. I get it now! It might not feel good to yourself when you hear your family members scold you on how pessimistic and frowny you are most of the time, but when you display your bright side equally, they finally come in terms that you might be as ‘normal’ as they are.



Many things make me so mad, like horror-movie-furious. Such things would be: messy and just disgusting things/situations, or hunger. Ways I found out to cope with such traumas are to do something about it. One, fix it yourself or two, ask someone to help you fix it. If you see the food still out and random grains of bryani rice on the floor of the praying area two minutes before Taravee, don’t make a disgusted face at the girl who isn’t doing her job, instead clean it up yourself and she will come and help. Be a role model. You don’t have to waste your energy or elasticity around your mouth by getting all mad and stuff; life is easier this way.

The one thing I mentioned to a friend last night was: “To each their own”. She didn’t understand. I meant that everyone does what they want, intentionally or unintentionally. Isn’t it better to think people just don’t know better? If they do know better, just leave them alone and you do the best you can by your actions. This saves a lot of talking, which I don’t really part take in. Live life like its “no big deal”. In Sha Allah we make this Ramadan the best we can. May Allah guide us all, have mercy on us, and make us succeed in both Deen and Dunya. Ameen.

Rushing life.

I was having these naafs-bothering-notions for like four years. My parents told me multiple times to see a therapist, not that anyone would actually take me there, and of course I am an unemployed-broke-‘adult’-whose driving permit expired a while back. I sound pretty dang pathetic. This was me a a couple months ago. Except the last part about the permit, I still don’t have one. 

All my life I loved lists and planning. Not the girly wedding planning stuff you only find out about in rom-coms , the kind that you see a crazy mute kid who is scribbling away in her one of few journals about her day, in mist of an unfinished poem she plagerized from the latest Shell Silverstein  back in the 90s. She was a cool child, not back then but now I’d definitely would want my future daughter to hang out with the old me- not old, young, one from the past, you get it. I’d only let my future daughter hang out with the child-me until the child-me was done with middle school. It’s not ’cause puberty; that happened way later. It’s because after middle school I got ugly (LOL idk what happened, seriously). 

Anyway, that’s a different post waiting to happen. So I planned my day every night. I was the kind of weirdo who would count how many hours they will get to sleep, what snacks I’d purchase from the ghetto deli, and I was ok with it. Simple things like this ended right after middle school. High school became a gateway to my insanity as a dumb butt teenager who was in the smart people classes. I started obsessing about grades and my future.

Then enter Undergrad, I started planning the worst things a newbie 18 yr old brown girl could start planning… Life. Something that includes other people, places, failure, and all things not under anything humans can control. Yup. The last couple years I was slowly hitting the bottom of my rock, not to be confused with my imaginary pet rock (lols just imagine me smacking the bottom of a rock. Seriously. Insanity.) 

I’m ok now. Alhumdulilah.  

So, which shoe should I get? See, my life is so unpredictable these days.

Obsession at its finest.

Hi all.

I know some of you might have gotten offended or annoyed on how ‘salty’ my posts have been lately. Its because my mouth has developed this sour taste from the world and its portrayed by how my attitude reflects how I am taking the events that have occurred in my life. I can’t deal. I just want to be alone, at least then I won’t be so lonely. I know, I am such a brat.

In other news, my body is decaying and my mind is melting.

I’ve been eating so bad…meaning, I have been eating the whole house while my parents are away. I feel sick. I’ll let you know my progress is by next week, on my oh-so-interesting-eating-habits, because thats always fun to read about. You get my vibe…I am not a happy person.

So, the title, as you have been waiting to be directed to is about my dangerous obsession with things, people, etc… through my life. As of now its basically whining over what I couldn’t have in the past and Gossip Girl. Yea, I am on season 6 now. It has died down. I think because I’ve been binge watching it for a long time now. I give myself breaks with all the youtube videos I try to catch up on in between a few episodes, but besides that I am a such a loser.  Still a living loser, in old wrinkly flesh. Eat me.

I have also been obsessed with those 10 sec bollywood videos on instagram. Nostalgia or whatever. Also that song from BajiRoa Mastani, Malhari. FAAT LOU LEE! Granted I didn’t like the movie, but that song is catchy even though I don’t understand it. Now, back to my insanity:  I get caught in the world of… what ifs and the whole ‘shoulda coulda woulda’ deal. I have created this endless spiral of depression where I sink in and I can’t seem to find anything positive  because all of that is lost in the past. I hate everything. BYE.

LOL. I will continue. I don’t have a friend to talk to or anyone I love. I am so close to losing my education and a means to support my family. I don’t want anyone else to be close to me. I have decided not to do anything and not to say anything until matters resolves…meaning until everything is ruined… not that anything was ever ok. The sad part is that what I wanted, noone else did. I can’t. Someone just pull the rug or trigger. LOL whatever that phrase is…i dont even know if its a real phrase.

You guys get it right? I am completely mad.

The time has come. Let the chaos begin.

or continue in my case.





‘Be around Happy People’

Ugh. Shut up. I’m so tired of hearing that (referring to the title). Most people correlate ‘happy’ as a person who and an obvious and constant-dumb-smile on their face. What about the ones whose faces are just ‘blah’ looking. You can find many people, including myself, with a face that ‘people shouldn’t be around’, just because it doesn’t appear to have a smile on 24/7, or at least when you see them for a mere minute in the hall. Come’on…we can be the most happiest people in the world even though its almost impossible to see it on our faces. RBF.
With that, what if these people are also soft spoken, because that’s how they were bought up…you know, like those who have respect for authority and would rather follow, and listen before chiming into a conversation, like me. Heck, they even made a ‘citizenship’ award for me in middle school for having the most respect for the teachers… I just never spoke in a crowd over three people, one being myself. Oh, and it took me years to speak up in front of an adult, even if I had to use the bathroom at school.

I am starting to think, like my parents, that I am suffering from ‘chronic depression’, unless I’m not… you know, being all calm and nonchalant about it, well maybe I’ve reached an acceptance phase, ah…idk. I have these major mood swings…wait Ill elaborate another time.

Anyway, people who don’t seem happy aren’t always sad, they’re probably thinking about stuff, or they’re super mellow, like me. I like to think of it as being really chill and minding-my-own-business type of person. Being around happy people is good, but being around positive people is better, unless they’re super obnoxious. That’s the worst.

This whole topic is a controversy to me, ’cause being around a person like me, you can always feel better about yourself (loool I’m not emo, I swear). I mean I’m not that ‘happy-go-dumb-annoying-lucky-person’ people refer to when they suggest who you should be around. Its not all negative…its called being real and maybe kind of confused in life, or a life crisis. All in all, the point is that everything is going to be ok. In Sha Allah. Just be around good people and those who are comfortable with being around you.

Vegan Mac and ‘Cheese’

So I don’t like eating real cheese, cause no matter how much oil, sugar, chocolate, and carbs I eat, real cheese just scares me. Its weird. So I used to eat Mac and cheese at school (up until high school really) and the cafeteria used to serve the most memorable Mac and cheese. Yea, its weird. Since I don’t like real cheese anymore, I needed to combine my macaroni with something…and pasta sauce doesn’t cut it. Did I  mention I don’t like tomatoes either (too mushy and eh).
Since I am moving back to NY for 6 months, I am forcing myself to finish all my food before leaving, so I don’t have to throw it out.
I usually buy two types of non-dairy cheese: a mozzarella flavored and a cheddar flavor. The first one usually finishes first, so I used the ‘cheddar’ flavored cheese slices (I think it was the Trader Joe brand).


I know it doesn’t look appealing in the picture, that’s because my phone is out dated. For real tho, even certain apps don’t let me in (ahem, snapchat).

So here’s the ingredient list:

  • -hand full (I made it for myself only) of macaroni (any will do, I used whole wheat)
  • -1 tablespoon (or more, depends on how you like it) of garlic salt
  • -1 teaspoon of minced garlic
  • -2 teaspoons of thyme
  • -2 slices of any vegan cheese
  • -some nutritional yeast (I didn’t have any)
  • -a bit of almond milk (very little)
  • 1 teaspoon (or more) of vegan butter


  1. Boil some water, twice as much as the amount of macaroni. Add the macaroni until its cooked through. Don’t forget to add some salt for flavor and some vinegar so there isn’t a sticky-mushiness to it.
  2. Add some almond milk (or any other kind you’d like) to a pot on medium heat and let it simmer. Then add the butter and garlic salt, minced garlic, and thyme. Keep stirring until all is combined.
  3. Add the slices of cheese (can use more if you’d like) to the milk mixture and stir. Keep stirring until the milk has evaporated and you get a cheesy consistency.
  4. Add in the already made macaroni to the pot of cheese. Keep the heat on medium heat. Combine everything together and remove from the pot once you get a ‘mac and cheese look’. Sprinkle with nutritional yeast for more of a cheesy flavor and a boost of vitamins. Enjoy🙂

* Note, some measurements might be a bit off, because like my mama, I don’t use measuring equipment.

** Make sure to do your own trail an error.