Saying Yes.

There are so many things I dislike, afraid of, or cannot stand, as you know. Like water but this summer I kayaked and didn’t care about getting wet!

I said Yes to myself and what I feel comfortable with, sort of. I am still working on this in terms of family things.. thats the hardest.  I decided to try new things, meet new people, and animals!

Buddy and I are distant friends. We don’t pet eachother.🐶

I wouldn’t have had to face this dog if my friend warned me before hand, but she didn’t. I’m actually ok with that now! I learned to face my fear and come to peace with dogs.. more like, just this dog. It also helped that Buddy gave up trying to get petted by me. Lol.

I’ll keep you updated on my old self growing older. Hopefully I don’t die in the process LOL (get it. Btw JK).



What do you daydream about?

Getting more sleep 
The lost dream that makes you tear 
Food you over ate
Thoughts on crimes of hate
The ungrateful person you’ve become 
Or your feelings and nerves that are numb
The future you don’t want to know 
Everything you don’t want to show 
Dreaming of an eternal night
Or you on a mountain of great height 
Stretching and hugging the breeze
Falling into a sleep of ease.

Someone, buy me some planets and I will love you to the moon and back. Get it 😂

Occasionally a poet#3?

The person who has forgot

The breaths so close and hot

So slow and fast, in and out

Voices suffocated to cover the shout

But we still hear each others whispers clear

Keeping a secret out of fear

Only yours and only mine hidden away

The ever lasting devils play.

– A beautiful tragedy by eva626

Live life.

I am trying to embrace the whole ‘living to the fullest’, in terms of me, obviously. And it’s great for the most part, until I realize it’s a cover up. Anyway, the hardest part is to keep your priorities straight. Also, if you can’t do anything about a situation, just don’t worry about it at the moment. Life’s easier and happier this way (for said time). For me at least. 

So in this journey of my evolution into being a real (also known as a fake) person, I have experienced somethings I just didn’t want to. For example, I hate being near standing water. It makes me nauseous and I don’t like getting wet cause then if I get wet, my shoes will get wet and all the wet-ness will come inside my home, etc… I guess I don’t like the cleaning part of it. But whatevs. This summer when my brother came to visit Chicago, we actually kayaked ! It was awesome! And we had to run in the rain for a good mile or so. I didn’t care because I was living. 

I wish I lived before when it would have made a difference. I feel like now I am just ‘living’ just to make the time go by or to ignore the feelings I simply cannot express anymore due to social constraints and such nonsense. Yea this post is about to get real emo. I thought I was taking ‘risks’ in the past, but when I really think about it, I kinda didn’t give it my all. To be honest, maybe it’s just that I am feeling lonely right now or for the past two years and counting. I can’t get those thoughts out of my stupid head.

Oh this is something that keeps me going:

It’s such a shame cause in the beginning of this post I am talking about living to the fullest and all that bs. But when a stranger  asked me ‘what do you think about life’… I just blurted out ‘it’s too long’. I didn’t even take it back. I still don’t. I think it’s because maybe I am bored. I just smiled a bit cause ‘blah’ was good before, heck, I thought I was ‘blah’ but it was different because I was an appreciated ‘blah’ who felt loved and admired. 

So many words left unspoken.

And the tie still unbroken.

Fighting the fight every day.

The tongue to never say.

Now the ‘blah’ is boring cause no one cares and I don’t care to be cared about. I hope you are still with me. I mean, ok ‘living life’ is all good and stuff, but is it ok to just live because you have to. Like I am just waiting to die now lol. Not suicidal, I promise. I mean, it’s boring now… I don’t find joy in who or what’s to come. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I feel empty.

Well, this just sounds like I am being a brat. I have plenty of love from my family, like my parents and my siblings and my friends. I am fine with that, but that’s all it is. 

 Signing off

-Emo Eva foreva.