Don’t wake me up.

This is about the dream I had this morning. Ok, this morning because I woke up at 8am to just use the restroom and then went back to sleep for 2 hrs. These were the best two hours.

I was invited to go on a week long family/friends reunion in some country not traveled to by any of my family/friends or me. We were all there. People who didn’t know each other, but people who knew me. There were little cousins, still as young as I remember them 5 yrs ago, and people who I see every so often. Everyone eating their petite appetizers prepared by me in my beautiful kitchen, part of my luxury home that had a patio/deck to an area of water led to by some natural stone steps. This was not even the highlight of this dream. All the little ones were playing, and all the adults were talking.

Even in my own “vacation?” home, I’m guessing thats what this was, since it was somewhere else in the world, where all good things happen OBVIOUSLY, I was still alone. I am alone most of the time and I don’t mind it. It only hurts when I feel lonely. I feel lonely most when I go back to NY, only when I am not around my siblings/parents. Its so sad because I used to love NY. So, I was just trying to be a good host and picking up after people, going into the kitchen and into the living room, back and forth, making sure every thing was intact, not broken, and also tidy. Then everyone just left to go out somewhere. I guess I missed the memo LOL. I was still cleaning and nobody picked up the “dusturkhan” [the sheet or cloth you put on the floor, where we normally eat food together]. So I go and grab the napkin to clean it off. I start the one end that is near the glass door and leads to the patio. Then I make my way to the other end, which is disturbingly more dimmed in lighting, now that I think about it. There is also a curtain on that side of the room. It sounds kinda creepy now. But yea, I do go towards that end and I see that arm [connected to a living person of course LOL. I read that line over and trust me this was not a nightmare. If it was, I would have either died and never woke up {not what I meant in the title of this post btw} or would have woke up asap leading me to not write this post at all].

Oh. That person came to my uncalled-for-reunion and hid from everyone, only to reveal himself to me! Great, people must think I am crazy now again. I move my eyes up to see that face. That smirk. “Hi”. Somehow I end up falling onto this person. I am guessing at this point we have stood up or something. IDK. But, I am a clumsy person in my dreams. I face palmed on to this person’s arm, making contact and I feel a nerve pull back, not from me. Yes, that mystery still has some modesty [insert dapper man with bowtie pretending to hold a plate of hors d’oeuvres up to his shoulders, with one hand]. The feels tho. I can’t explain the rest I don’t want to explain the rest. Anyway. I woke up and it was the worst thing ever. I wish this was real. Then I went to school to study for my final.

-eva626.

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Living backwards

I’ve tried so many techniques of studying, eating, loving, and basically living. I have these phases every month or so. It’s easy to explain with food. Like last week I discovered the best thing ever… Halo Top ice cream. I bought every flavor at Whole Foods. I broke up the crazy purchase into two days. One where I used my one free delivery that Whole  Foods offer via instaCart (not sponsored. Idk why I had to say this lol I wish I was sponsored by [insert Simba voiceover: someone anyone) cause I’m savy and stupid like that; the second was when i went to Whole Foods myself in response to me thinking, ‘oh shoot, I don’t have any vegetables’. I had frozen ones still in the freezer with a bunch of other food my mind chose to block out. I went, I saw, I went bankrupt. I literally bought all the flavors and had 1.5 pints of it everyday. Now I have to resort to real food, since I ate the last half of a pint this morning for breakfast. I told this girl about my breakfast and she said what I did was ‘serious #goals’. Like wth, people need to be more practical and tell me to stop being a maniac.

Anyway, that phase is done just because it has to be. The other is about my studying habits… or not studying habits. Is this post getting too lengthy? If it is, leave [LOL why does that sound mean]. I used to be a freak about studying while I was in high school. Then this carried itself into undergrad, until my planning-ahead-OCD and some physical/mental issues I was going through took a toll on my ‘capabilities’ aka I didn’t give s&!@ [pardon my English. Don’t correct my sayings].

Then miraculously, came grad school and I started taking notes on how other people around me studied. I started doing what they did, which was studying every subject everyday and ace-ing every exam. Yea that didn’t work for me so I went back to doing what I do best, as all you lovely strangers already know. Procrastinate. It works for me so if you see me typing away on my phone during that one class that requires attendance, it’s because I’m building up my anxiety till two days before the exam.

Btw follow me on twitter @LadyNPerson

🙂