Just do it!

My friends and I were going to a coffee shop, as we do these days, and came across a chalk-wall. It was pretty cool! I honestly don’t think about what I want to do before I die.

But like everyone I do have so many things I want to do, I just don’t think about them so much that I would make a wall for it. For instance, I want to go on a girls-trip-multiple months in Europe back-packing vacation, I want to meet my best friend again, I want to walk across a city (a whole city), I want to make my own ice-cream, I want to graduate and settle down on the island, I want to raise my future kids hydrogenated-oil/processed-sugar/dairy/meat-free, and have them go to my dream schools, etc…

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Some of the things on this wall are pretty humorous, and some are very sad and touching. Also, I am very tempted to call that number. In other news, I found out that my friend is to be engaged in less than a month. When I heard this, my heart dropped. I hate hearing it from other people. We used to be so close as you all know…and I was supposed to be the first to know. Also its not 2025 yet. I guess its just pay-back for when I got married without letting anyone know. Regret, all the time, contentment…I’m getting there. Thats what I have to keep telling myself. Well, I shouldn’t explain it here. I am not a good example for the young people here. Its whatever.

Some tips I can give to the youngsters, which I may have written in previous posts:

Kids, stay in school. Marry the love of your life. Stay grammatically correct, because uneducated beings are very unattractive. Stick to the conversation. The most unattractive man, is one who goes off topic and says irrelevant things. just to deem himself correct. I know. Its disgusting. Like really, YOU DON”T MAKE SENSE. YOU FOOL.

Follow these and it will make your goals “before you die” a little bit easier. Actually don’t listen to me, I don’t make sense. I disgust myself.

-eva626

 

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Don’t wake me up.

This is about the dream I had this morning. Ok, this morning because I woke up at 8am to just use the restroom and then went back to sleep for 2 hrs. These were the best two hours.

I was invited to go on a week long family/friends reunion in some country not traveled to by any of my family/friends or me. We were all there. People who didn’t know each other, but people who knew me. There were little cousins, still as young as I remember them 5 yrs ago, and people who I see every so often. Everyone eating their petite appetizers prepared by me in my beautiful kitchen, part of my luxury home that had a patio/deck to an area of water led to by some natural stone steps. This was not even the highlight of this dream. All the little ones were playing, and all the adults were talking.

Even in my own “vacation?” home, I’m guessing thats what this was, since it was somewhere else in the world, where all good things happen OBVIOUSLY, I was still alone. I am alone most of the time and I don’t mind it. It only hurts when I feel lonely. I feel lonely most when I go back to NY, only when I am not around my siblings/parents. Its so sad because I used to love NY. So, I was just trying to be a good host and picking up after people, going into the kitchen and into the living room, back and forth, making sure every thing was intact, not broken, and also tidy. Then everyone just left to go out somewhere. I guess I missed the memo LOL. I was still cleaning and nobody picked up the “dusturkhan” [the sheet or cloth you put on the floor, where we normally eat food together]. So I go and grab the napkin to clean it off. I start the one end that is near the glass door and leads to the patio. Then I make my way to the other end, which is disturbingly more dimmed in lighting, now that I think about it. There is also a curtain on that side of the room. It sounds kinda creepy now. But yea, I do go towards that end and I see that arm [connected to a living person of course LOL. I read that line over and trust me this was not a nightmare. If it was, I would have either died and never woke up {not what I meant in the title of this post btw} or would have woke up asap leading me to not write this post at all].

Oh. That person came to my uncalled-for-reunion and hid from everyone, only to reveal himself to me! Great, people must think I am crazy now again. I move my eyes up to see that face. That smirk. “Hi”. Somehow I end up falling onto this person. I am guessing at this point we have stood up or something. IDK. But, I am a clumsy person in my dreams. I face palmed on to this person’s arm, making contact and I feel a nerve pull back, not from me. Yes, that mystery still has some modesty [insert dapper man with bowtie pretending to hold a plate of hors d’oeuvres up to his shoulders, with one hand]. The feels tho. I can’t explain the rest I don’t want to explain the rest. Anyway. I woke up and it was the worst thing ever. I wish this was real. Then I went to school to study for my final.

-eva626.

Living backwards

I’ve tried so many techniques of studying, eating, loving, and basically living. I have these phases every month or so. It’s easy to explain with food. Like last week I discovered the best thing ever… Halo Top ice cream. I bought every flavor at Whole Foods. I broke up the crazy purchase into two days. One where I used my one free delivery that Whole  Foods offer via instaCart (not sponsored. Idk why I had to say this lol I wish I was sponsored by [insert Simba voiceover: someone anyone) cause I’m savy and stupid like that; the second was when i went to Whole Foods myself in response to me thinking, ‘oh shoot, I don’t have any vegetables’. I had frozen ones still in the freezer with a bunch of other food my mind chose to block out. I went, I saw, I went bankrupt. I literally bought all the flavors and had 1.5 pints of it everyday. Now I have to resort to real food, since I ate the last half of a pint this morning for breakfast. I told this girl about my breakfast and she said what I did was ‘serious #goals’. Like wth, people need to be more practical and tell me to stop being a maniac.

Anyway, that phase is done just because it has to be. The other is about my studying habits… or not studying habits. Is this post getting too lengthy? If it is, leave [LOL why does that sound mean]. I used to be a freak about studying while I was in high school. Then this carried itself into undergrad, until my planning-ahead-OCD and some physical/mental issues I was going through took a toll on my ‘capabilities’ aka I didn’t give s&!@ [pardon my English. Don’t correct my sayings].

Then miraculously, came grad school and I started taking notes on how other people around me studied. I started doing what they did, which was studying every subject everyday and ace-ing every exam. Yea that didn’t work for me so I went back to doing what I do best, as all you lovely strangers already know. Procrastinate. It works for me so if you see me typing away on my phone during that one class that requires attendance, it’s because I’m building up my anxiety till two days before the exam.

Btw follow me on twitter @LadyNPerson

🙂

 

Is it really a secret…

So, I’m not a social person relative to most of the people around me at the moment, but I thought that by now I would have picked up a few things. One thing that I apparently am still doing wrong is that I mistake things that come up in a casual conversation as being just that…casual. I don’t know anymore. If I wanted to not tell people about stuff, I wouldn’t…but if I do, I assume they might tell others but it wouldn’t be a big deal since I didn’t begin/end it with “don’t tell anyone”. Maybe I am just bad at reading cues or something. Are they even called cues?
What the heck is wrong with me. I don’t know words. Ugh. Only, sometimes tho.

Also, isn’t it supposed to be a thing with having mutual friends…like if one person told you something, but said they told so and so something before they told you, is it not ok to expand on that conversation? I am so confused. Like, I thought this is why we have mutual friends…the same people who know the same stuff. Is it not? No, it isn’t. AHHHHHH. I’m still learning and I have learned not to say anything to anyone.

You know, maybe its a geographical thing…I need to do research on this. Somebody, give me some insight, please.

Oh, and from now on [just in case], I will employ my childhood go-to gesture of looking at my wrist/watch which ever is present, and walking away when people start to talk to me…about anything. Hold me to it, all you interested readers of mine. BTW, blogging is still a thing right?  Ah. OK I feel kinda better after writing this. Kinda.

-eva626

Hey, its a Tag post!

I wanted to do a tag post ’cause I felt like talking about myself. Not many people want to know stuff about me in real life now-a-days. Anyway, this is a random set of tag-questions I found:
Question 1: Do you have any pets ? Not at the moment. We used to have birds, which died. Then we had a cat; she ran away and got ran over. We used to have a dozen tiny fish, but someone fed them cheerios and they all died. I won a gold fish from a carnival, that gotten eaten by my brother’s larger gold fish. Then I colored a rock and that was my pet. I lost that too.
Question 2: Name three things that are physically close to you: Besides my laptop, I have my notes that I should be studying from, a couple of mugs, and a bunch of fun-size chocolate wrappers.
Question 3: What’s the weather like right now ? Its ok…sweater weather.
Questions 4: Do you drive ? If so, have you crashed? Nope, my permit even expired.
Question 5: What time did you wake up this morning ? I don’t remember.
Question 6: When was the last time you showered ? Yesterday
Question 7: What was the last movie that you saw ? Probably Paper Town…its overrated.
Question 8: What does your last text message say? “you would think they woulda read the previous emails first..ugh”
Question 9: What is your ringtone ? My phone is always on vibrate.
Question 10: Have you ever been to a different country? Just pakistan…layovers in turkey and somewhere else that doesn’t count. Blah
Question 11: Do you like sushi? No, the concept bothers me…raw meat is ew to me, also i don’t understand it…like wrapping rice around the meat/veg…why. Too much work and energy to look like a pretty princess. (no offense sushi lovers…you do you!)
Question 12: Where do you buy your groceries? I used to get them from pathmark or cvs in NY, now its always either Jewels, Target, or Traders Joe.
13: Have you ever taken any medication to help you fall asleep faster? Nah. I believe in imagining to free fall slowly into sleep.
Question 14: How many siblings do you have ? 4 and I love them so much!
Question 15: Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?  Laptop
Question 16: How old will you be turning on your next birthday? ….none of your business
Question 17: Do you wear contacts or glasses ? both
Question 18: Do you colour your hair ? no…notice the spelling in this question.
Question 19: Tell me something you are planing to do today: Prob study and stuff…I have an exam in the A.M.
Question 20: When was the last time you cried?  I don’t remember
Question 21: What is your perfect pizza topping? Bell peppers
Question 22: Which do you prefer, hamburger or cheeseburger ? neither
Question 23: Have you ever had an all-nighter ? all the time. They’re the worst.
Question 24: What is your eye colour ? Brown…I know..very hot.
Question 25: Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke? Not really.
I guess “that’s all folks”.
-Eva626

Who wants me to make a movie?

Here’s a pigment of my imagination. An act, a screenplay if you will.

Enjoy:

“I need closure, dang it. I don’t care. You know how I am”, Eva whispers with frustration in his ear, with one hand holding onto his forearm against the brick wall besides them and the other clenched shut withstanding the force of his fingers around her fist. She leans away, and positions her self off her tippy toes, looks up straight into his eyes with confusion. They both hear the footsteps of the other guests welcoming themselves out onto the rooftop as well. Eva shifts her eyes, as does he, looking towards the set of steps they were standing on. She walks down to the door and makes herself part of the crowd. He, flushed with emotions and fright disappears to the top level of the roof.

The group of girls linger around, looking out to the city, enjoying one anothers’ company. Eva glances to the top level to see him walk down and greet himself to everyone there, and shortly after heading towards the door. Reaching the door he stops and looks back at her with a still face and heads downstairs.

To be continued….

or not.

Hope

I used to be so hopeful about everything before. Meaning not recently, as you know from the vibe we have been moping around here ever so often (for the past few months at least). Well, I try to be hopeful. I try. I do. I get frustrated every night. I am still trying. [Insert emo sighing].

Ways to be hopeful:

-Forcing yourself to think of the good…people have faults and I know I have a ton. Try to look past those faults, and instead figure out why they are doing what they are.
-Don’t let other people influence their opinions on you about another person. (Going back to the ‘advice’ above).
-Be independent. This makes you more likely to be able to care and make someone else happy.
-Give them time and space. When they want you in their space, step into it, only to give them your undivided attention.
-Put actions to your words.
-Remember God. Pray, and ask for contentment.
-Be creative and make yourself some food. It will help you appreciate the simple things in life.
-Talk about your issues and resolve them. Its better to hurt someone in the acute sense, then cause yourself and them too, chronic pain for the rest of your life.
-Take a trip some where. (Psht…I wish).
-Remember nothing lasts forever… not even hopelessness, if you try to be hopeful. I hope. (See what I did there hahah).
-If people start not liking your thoughts and don’t want to understand your methods, just because they defy the norms and stupid society, then that’s their problem.
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-Do something productive everyday! I have a week to myself so I’ll post up daily blog entries to keep myself in check!

-Peace out!