Don’t wake me up.

This is about the dream I had this morning. Ok, this morning because I woke up at 8am to just use the restroom and then went back to sleep for 2 hrs. These were the best two hours.

I was invited to go on a week long family/friends reunion in some country not traveled to by any of my family/friends or me. We were all there. People who didn’t know each other, but people who knew me. There were little cousins, still as young as I remember them 5 yrs ago, and people who I see every so often. Everyone eating their petite appetizers prepared by me in my beautiful kitchen, part of my luxury home that had a patio/deck to an area of water led to by some natural stone steps. This was not even the highlight of this dream. All the little ones were playing, and all the adults were talking.

Even in my own “vacation?” home, I’m guessing thats what this was, since it was somewhere else in the world, where all good things happen OBVIOUSLY, I was still alone. I am alone most of the time and I don’t mind it. It only hurts when I feel lonely. I feel lonely most when I go back to NY, only when I am not around my siblings/parents. Its so sad because I used to love NY. So, I was just trying to be a good host and picking up after people, going into the kitchen and into the living room, back and forth, making sure every thing was intact, not broken, and also tidy. Then everyone just left to go out somewhere. I guess I missed the memo LOL. I was still cleaning and nobody picked up the “dusturkhan” [the sheet or cloth you put on the floor, where we normally eat food together]. So I go and grab the napkin to clean it off. I start the one end that is near the glass door and leads to the patio. Then I make my way to the other end, which is disturbingly more dimmed in lighting, now that I think about it. There is also a curtain on that side of the room. It sounds kinda creepy now. But yea, I do go towards that end and I see that arm [connected to a living person of course LOL. I read that line over and trust me this was not a nightmare. If it was, I would have either died and never woke up {not what I meant in the title of this post btw} or would have woke up asap leading me to not write this post at all].

Oh. That person came to my uncalled-for-reunion and hid from everyone, only to reveal himself to me! Great, people must think I am crazy now again. I move my eyes up to see that face. That smirk. “Hi”. Somehow I end up falling onto this person. I am guessing at this point we have stood up or something. IDK. But, I am a clumsy person in my dreams. I face palmed on to this person’s arm, making contact and I feel a nerve pull back, not from me. Yes, that mystery still has some modesty [insert dapper man with bowtie pretending to hold a plate of hors d’oeuvres up to his shoulders, with one hand]. The feels tho. I can’t explain the rest I don’t want to explain the rest. Anyway. I woke up and it was the worst thing ever. I wish this was real. Then I went to school to study for my final.

-eva626.

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Come back, wondering mind.

I had a dream last night…it wasn’t a good dream. It was a worrisome dream. One that makes you stop and think about how I have to grasp reality and let go, since you already let go way before, which honestly kills me.  I was so scared to take a step forward into the past because I thought that it might make me go crazy of how much I want to go back. But, then in this dream, I did and it was like a slap in the face. I wanted this dream to stay a fantasy and one to where I can go and hide in when ever I felt alone or sad, but the dream was actually a wake up call, just call me an oxymoron will ya (get it LOL). For real though, it pulled me in and nothing! Like what, why, I really wish it was something. I wanted it to stay a sweet hiding place but it was rather blah…

Gosh. My escape became as bland as my reality. Thanks, dream you are such a nightmare. (LOL I did it again – not Britney)

-eva626

Who wants me to make a movie?

Here’s a pigment of my imagination. An act, a screenplay if you will.

Enjoy:

“I need closure, dang it. I don’t care. You know how I am”, Eva whispers with frustration in his ear, with one hand holding onto his forearm against the brick wall besides them and the other clenched shut withstanding the force of his fingers around her fist. She leans away, and positions her self off her tippy toes, looks up straight into his eyes with confusion. They both hear the footsteps of the other guests welcoming themselves out onto the rooftop as well. Eva shifts her eyes, as does he, looking towards the set of steps they were standing on. She walks down to the door and makes herself part of the crowd. He, flushed with emotions and fright disappears to the top level of the roof.

The group of girls linger around, looking out to the city, enjoying one anothers’ company. Eva glances to the top level to see him walk down and greet himself to everyone there, and shortly after heading towards the door. Reaching the door he stops and looks back at her with a still face and heads downstairs.

To be continued….

or not.

Things to think about.

Not that i don’t do enough of it. Anyway. Here you go:

1 Heartbroken emo philosopher. Getting too deep already.
2 Loneliness can kill you slowly even though you’re surrounded by people in Chicago and in NY.
3 When your long time preference of one state to another changes dramatically and you start to imagine yourself in a whole other country.
4 Eating too much while watching EVERYTHING on online.
5 When your third laptop charger fails you and your laptop battery dies, you resort to continuing that episode via your phone, which also has its second charger on the verge to suicide. Again, getting too deep. I Know.
6 This
image

7 Missing someone who you know you will never be able to see, talk to, or mention.
8 Life
9 I am a robot now.

You’re welcome.
-Peace out noobs jk i love you people.

Typical.

Here’s a rant, because everyone imposing talking about their old-brown-people-ideology is getting on my nerves. I hate being Brown. Not my ethnicity, or the country where my parents are from, just the usual social-suffocating life that a female has to be forced to go through. I tried to change that, cause Islam gives women rights, as you might or might not have read about when I wrote that eye-opening post way back when . How many people are you gonna try to convince, so the second option I have is to avoid them, ’cause I can’t give into this family drama anymore, and cause if I don’t like it, I can only pretend for such a small amount of time until I get all cranky and everyone starts hating me. In short: I can’t act fake like other people.

Words I hate:
– love…its not real. So stop talking about it. Stop lying to people about it.
– compromise…is real, but to an extent. STOP TRYING TO IMPOSE SOMEONE TO LIVE LIKE THEIR NOT USED TO…this leads to resentment, hate, annoyance.
– life. What have I become.
– feelings…psht. I like being a robot. Accept it, or don’t.
– uneducated, i.e. if you have the opportunity, you should get educated…yes meaning go to college and get a degree and learn some grammar.
– loser: a MALE who stays at home or on the streets wasting everyone elses, including his own, time doing nothing.
– Disgusting loser: a MALE who expects females to cook, clean, work, take care of your dumb kids and everyone elses, work and give you her money, and live like the idiot ladies on Star-plus serials, but as dirt. Oh I hate you all.
– NY. yes. I’m never going back. Why, cause I dont have a home there anymore. Stinks right? Well, I was told something else and not told other things, before making the most rushed decision of my life. So yea. I’ve embraced Chicago…I actually wanna live here forever now.

image

Wildberry pancakes, Chicago, IL. ❤

– swear words.
– insults…making fun of people behind their back. In my defense, I am talking about a general topic.
– urdu… I used to love it. It was so soothing and soft spoken, before. Just don’t nag others to speak it if they don’t, annoying much? You knew what you were getting yourself into.
– Punjabi…eh. just eh.
– sloppy joe. WHY.
– change. Its ok if its changing for good, but NEVER try to change anyone…aka being a pain to be around. No one wants to be around someone who can’t accept another how they are. Durf.
– shoulder. I can’t pronounce this word.
– finals…yea, I should go study now.

-Peace out.

Stupid Culture

Don’t get me wrong, but being cultured is a part of becoming knowledgable and understanding different groups of people. Thats a great thing. Traveling and absorbing new cultures creates character, tolerance, and makes you kind toward humanity [at least thats the way I see it]. And then there is ‘following dumb cultural traditions’. Oh, this gets on my nerves! I hate it so much. If I know someone and I find out he or she follows a certain cultural tradition that disturbs peoples’ or an individual’s life including my own, I start disliking them slowly. A lot.

This is problematic. So, I turn to Islamic teachings and try to find out if Islam agrees on these traditions or its just stupidity passed on by generation to generation. The latter comes to conclusion most of the time. Then, I take a deep breath and confirm that I am not crazy.

One of my missions in life is to abolish the ‘people think this’ or ‘what will they say’ or ‘but thats how it is’ norm. And, I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

The hard part is when you want to potentially ‘like’ someone, but their thinking is stuck in that profound nonsense. Its so hard not to hurt their feelings. You have to take risks. I try little by little, but when they aren’t getting it, I have to talk about it face-to-my-intense-I-almost-hate-you-face.

Good luck to me.
I hope you all had a great ThanksGiving.