Useless Dream

I thought that moment passed, forgotten. Nope, just hidden in the back of my mind. “NafsiATi” [mind-related?] I tell you.  I should be freaking out about Finals, cause’ yes, its finals week, hence the distracting-me-getting-on-the-blog-flow. Typical. The dream is kind of fuzzy now, thank God. I woke up in the middle of it and wanted to go back into it. Darn that alarm and school. JK I love the Education, and need that alarm. Alhumdulilah.

It was a Sunrise. Beautiful, I know. Deal with it.

It was a Sunrise. Beautiful, I know. Deal with it.

It was you. Me. and some random girl who was supposedly my younger sister? Like, come on. Get out of my dream, you dweeb. I wanted a younger sister in real life, not in this dream [sure told her HA]. Anyway, it was personal. So close, and personal. Ah. It was…lovely, actually. However, a disappointment upon awakening. You were the same as I knew you, and so was I, except it was a dream and everything was not perfect, but that didn’t matter because we were there. Sticking together till the end. Together. My best friend. Always.

So…you guys want me to write about something specific…I mean if you people still exist. I’ve been so bad at blogging and stuff. Mostly bad at “stuff”. Yea, so tell me! I really want to write at least once a week. Lets see how that goes. BTW, Eid Mubarak?



Ramadan 1436/2015

We made it, Alhumdulilah! Its the 4th day of Ramadan. One more hour till Iftar aka opening my fast. This is the most “unique” type of Ramadan I am spending in my whole life…well, that I can remember. Its because I am alone in Chicago. Yea, I’m alone in the kitchen, in my room, during Suhoor, during Iftar. But, Alhumdulilah, I have my friends here to keep me motivated. Also, I have my family on the other side of skype and my deceptive cell phone. Its all good ;).

The other day, the Muslim girls in my educational institute…lol, hosted Iftar for us. It was like a “pot luck” or a “One-dish” as all you brown people like to call it. I made Gol Gappas, of course [that’s the thing with chickpeas and stuff, and you put that in the Panni Puri thing and eat it. Look it up]. Everyone loved them, surprisingly. I actually had to improvise without my original recipe, mostly in part because I lost my memory. LOL. Astigfirullah. I meant like I couldn’t remember it. That’s so bad. However, it worked! Unfortunately I couldn’t make the “coconut lemon aid” I wanted to. Time management issues I tell you.

Ramadan #2015 #1436 #Alhumdulilah #Blessing

Ramadan #2015 #1436 #Alhumdulilah #Blessing

I skyped with my family this morning at 3am, during their Suhoor time. That Bagaan tho [eggplant salaan my mom made for my family]. I miss my family. In other not so important news, I finished Season 2 of Agents of Shield. which means no more distractions for Ramadan. Its a really good show btw! Diverging off topic…Dua for me. I get lost a lot. I also have Clinic tomorrow…2 shifts! Then, I have another shift in the morning on Tuesday after our Exam! Ah.

YA KUDAYA, MADAD! [Lord, Help]

Anyway, I should prep for Iftar…by myself…for myself…with myself. Ah, its all good though!

Day 18

So, I am in chicago again…and have exams this week. Dua for me, please. Anyway, I wanted talk about my day from yesterday. My Guy was in Chicago for the weekend and so, yesterday was his last day here and he left for NY early morning. So yesterday, everything horrid was happening…like in the beginning, and throughout the day [Satan and his tactics, urg]. People weren’t showing much interest in the activities I planned, so I tried to give up this assumed position and let them get a hit at it. I don’t know what happened, but it was chaos. And for some reason, there was so much misunderstanding going on. I didn’t know what to do. OH, BTW, it doesn’t matter if my readers don’t understand what I am talking about…hahaha I blab like a…blabber? [those are B’s not D’s].

So, people said some intense things. LIKE WHAT. Idk if it was because of the moment, or because that’s how they actually felt…None the less, I know you aren’t supposed to say things like that to scare the other people. Well, I felt there was some truth in it, cause’ people say what they actually feel when they are angry, right? I heard that phrase many times. So I couldn’t hold it in, like I wasn’t sure, the confusion made me burst…not pretty, I tell you. I asked…and yup, it seems like ————————————-. Don’t want to talk about this anymore. The day continues, we couldn’t find a place to eat at first. But, patience is key and got some yummy grilled salmon! Then, dinner was interesting…and AMAZING, after the cab driver got us lost and all of course. Every thing worked out, despite many questions unresolved…but thats not the point.

The point is, “Everything happens for a reason. And the overall day turns out better than the mishaps of the day”.

Salam. Peace!


What is it? I know that its when you get into a lost place and you don’t know where you’re life is going [if thats what it really is..]. Oh, btw I AM NOT DEPRESSED lol. I was just thinking about this the other day. And I was thinking about writing a post about it, but then I thought about not writing it ’cause I be mad lazy these days and forever [I always hear myself singing to that word now. Thanks a lot, Frozen. Its a movie]. What changed my mind, not that it matters, was that yesterday or before that [idk, my memory is fading. I sound so old.] someone commented on my last post saying that I haven’t posted in…cue music…”long time in foreverrrrr”. So here it is:

I was going to research a bit on depression…cause I have nothing better to do, but seriously I have so much to do. I hate it. I kinda, actually took time out of studying to write this post; I am not researching for this post though. Depression is a real thing, but what if everything in your life is there…you know, like you have a family, who despite how much you disagree with and try to avoid, they try to make everything the best for you. But, we humans are egotistic and we think what we do and think, is always right, am I right? [get it…lol]. So, sometimes most of the time, I am like that too, but then when things get messed up and people get ticked off and stuff, I have to step back and think about what just happened. I think this works for me…all the time, even if it takes my slow-self a long duration to think about it, it still helps.

This picture is relevant , right?

This picture is relevant , right?

Like last Friday, I was all lonely and blah, so I called my mom. I asked her what we’ll be doing for the summer [my mind should stay in the present for Realz]. Here’s the dialogue:
Mom: You’re coming home for the summer!
Me: yea, I know, but what are we gonna do?
Mom: nothing, just enjoy the summer
Me: I mean, like WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
Mom: Nothing…we’ll do stuff
Me: ugh, —— [some dumb stuff I said].
Mom: fine, if you dont want to come, don’t.
Me: ….
Mom: ok then, I guess I’ll talk to you later [this happens when I dont say anything]

Then that night I thought about it, and what if I thought boredom would take over back home for the summer, that shouldn’t stop me from enjoying every moment…I cheered up, made some duas to not be all negative and “depressed” about my life [which is actually pretty sweet! Alhumdulilah]. I was just being a brat. Everyone should be thankful for their current situation, because it is a blessing. I then wanted to call my mom to say sorry and say how much of a baby I was being [well not that part cause I was embarrassed too]. But, my family members were probably sleeping, so I left a text, “Salamalakum, r u guys awake…i miss you”. I looked at my phone the next morning and my mom had sent me a snapchat of her and my two brothers smiling, with a caption “well we dont”….I’m joking hahaha, it actually said, “We miss you too!!”. I guess I was forgiven. So the point is, you can change the state of your mind and call onto Allah, the one who knows whats going on in your mind, and ask for help. Find happiness and comfort in anything…like being alive maybe…or by having so much that you have…or by BEING ALIVE and whatever else matters to you. Make the best of every situation and you will find it easy to smile, even if you only have an awkward-not-so-obvious-kinda-smile. You’ll feel good. InshaAllah [By Allah’s will].

And someone also commented that I should write another movie review…I was going to do this, but I watch so many movies; Which movie should I review? You tell!
-Peace out. Salamalakum. Keep my in your prayers.

2013 and everything if not some-important-things-worth-mentioning.

Woa. Two more days and we change the 3 to a 4. I always hated that when I was in high school and the while ago [is that a real saying?]. I always had to erase the year on the heading of my notes with the smudgy tough eraser that clearly never worked. So, I had these ugly smudges, or scribbles if I was using pen, on every page until the March of the new year. What a mess. Its bad enough that I have horrible hand writing. That is actually going to be one of my new years resolutions. Well, not really.

Here’s some things that happened in 2013:

-I still love to make lists.
-There is a girl in my new institution whose name is actually Eva.
-I learned to use words like ‘institution’ in a complete sentence.
-I’m dreading the fact that I am officially a poor-broke-grad student without a life [the last three sentences aren’t new though].
-My mother is the most precious person to me in the world.
-The farther away I am from my siblings the more I love them.
-I hate chicago as much as I love New York.
-There is a limited number of persons who I can talk to about anything, its because my views are so different from everyone around me.
-I get lost most of the time, but then I find my way thanks to Allah.
-I’ve learned not to care what society, people, media, have to say about my life.
-Islam over Culture and dumbness.
-Communication is the start to end confusion.
-Charity is the start to end hunger and poverty.
-It doesn’t matter who says what, it matters what is being said.
-I’ve gotten very unhealthy like the rest of the non-vegan people in America.
-I have a stern basis on the things I do, and the way I think.
-I need to be more patient.
-My brothers still think I can’t cook. That’s why I haven’t cooked real food in 2013.
-I still survived 2013. Alhumdulilah.
-I love to blog and I love when you read my dumb posts and I love it even more when you comment.
-I need a job and many Duas from everyone.

Thanks for reading this list of 2013 stuff…lets do the best we can to become better people in 2014. Lets try to change ourselves for the better and try to make the world a better place for those who are underprivileged, for those who are suffering, for those who are lost, and unaware of life and death which is to come at any time. Keep me in your prayers. You’re welcome for this public announcement blog post. I can’t believe winter break is almost over. I haven’t finished any of my school work or studying…omg. I hate Chicago.

-Peace out.

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