But seriously…

So I have this tendency to stay quite instead of saying something awful and false. That doesn’t mean I won’t say something awful and truthful. I also stay quiet when people make fun of me as to ignore the comment, because let’s face it, a false comment that is meant to be funny is not funny. People don’t understand this.   I’ll laugh when something is true and funny because it is simply  true. But when it’s not… it’s not. Simple right?

Well some people have this weird sense of humor that can sometimes involve violence, self hate (which is not ok at all), death (worst kinds of jokes right after crude humor), and just plain nasty things like bodily execrations… why is that even funny to you people? Men are the ones who make these stupid things are funny, still stereotyping in 2017, from experience of course. For instance, it’s not funny to make fun of your significant other, especially in front of people. And if you do, expect it to come back to you, but way more savage. Laugh about it then. I dare you.

When something is true and it bothers people around you, try to fix it. Laugh about it and accept it. Don’t make something up you found on the internet and blame that person for something so random and not proven, if not false.

Back to this:

img_3182

I was totally not kidding.

Advertisements

Is it really a secret…

So, I’m not a social person relative to most of the people around me at the moment, but I thought that by now I would have picked up a few things. One thing that I apparently am still doing wrong is that I mistake things that come up in a casual conversation as being just that…casual. I don’t know anymore. If I wanted to not tell people about stuff, I wouldn’t…but if I do, I assume they might tell others but it wouldn’t be a big deal since I didn’t begin/end it with “don’t tell anyone”. Maybe I am just bad at reading cues or something. Are they even called cues?
What the heck is wrong with me. I don’t know words. Ugh. Only, sometimes tho.

Also, isn’t it supposed to be a thing with having mutual friends…like if one person told you something, but said they told so and so something before they told you, is it not ok to expand on that conversation? I am so confused. Like, I thought this is why we have mutual friends…the same people who know the same stuff. Is it not? No, it isn’t. AHHHHHH. I’m still learning and I have learned not to say anything to anyone.

You know, maybe its a geographical thing…I need to do research on this. Somebody, give me some insight, please.

Oh, and from now on [just in case], I will employ my childhood go-to gesture of looking at my wrist/watch which ever is present, and walking away when people start to talk to me…about anything. Hold me to it, all you interested readers of mine. BTW, blogging is still a thing right?  Ah. OK I feel kinda better after writing this. Kinda.

-eva626

Ramadan 1436/2015

We made it, Alhumdulilah! Its the 4th day of Ramadan. One more hour till Iftar aka opening my fast. This is the most “unique” type of Ramadan I am spending in my whole life…well, that I can remember. Its because I am alone in Chicago. Yea, I’m alone in the kitchen, in my room, during Suhoor, during Iftar. But, Alhumdulilah, I have my friends here to keep me motivated. Also, I have my family on the other side of skype and my deceptive cell phone. Its all good ;).

The other day, the Muslim girls in my educational institute…lol, hosted Iftar for us. It was like a “pot luck” or a “One-dish” as all you brown people like to call it. I made Gol Gappas, of course [that’s the thing with chickpeas and stuff, and you put that in the Panni Puri thing and eat it. Look it up]. Everyone loved them, surprisingly. I actually had to improvise without my original recipe, mostly in part because I lost my memory. LOL. Astigfirullah. I meant like I couldn’t remember it. That’s so bad. However, it worked! Unfortunately I couldn’t make the “coconut lemon aid” I wanted to. Time management issues I tell you.

Ramadan #2015 #1436 #Alhumdulilah #Blessing

Ramadan #2015 #1436 #Alhumdulilah #Blessing

I skyped with my family this morning at 3am, during their Suhoor time. That Bagaan tho [eggplant salaan my mom made for my family]. I miss my family. In other not so important news, I finished Season 2 of Agents of Shield. which means no more distractions for Ramadan. Its a really good show btw! Diverging off topic…Dua for me. I get lost a lot. I also have Clinic tomorrow…2 shifts! Then, I have another shift in the morning on Tuesday after our Exam! Ah.

YA KUDAYA, MADAD! [Lord, Help]

Anyway, I should prep for Iftar…by myself…for myself…with myself. Ah, its all good though!

Monday

I woke up at 5am [Yes, its that kind of post], and got ready. I had packed my suitcase the night before…’see, how clever I am’ (my Mom’s catch phrase, nvm you won’t get it). I got in the shuttle and got to the airport two hours early, cause that’s how excited, and cautious I am. I slept once I got home.

Tuesday: I ate alot of my mom’s cooking. Yummmmm. Oh, I realized I got fat. Boo.

Wednesday: I can’t remember what happened here…oh wait nvm. i went to my undergrad with my brother, to help him get motivated for his internship application and stuff. Insha Allah he will get spot.

Thursday: I saw a movie during this week but idk. My husband and I went to dinner to Cheesecake Factory in Jersey… loved their veggie burger!

Friday: Jummah! We went to Brooklyn and prayed Friday prayer and I spent the day at the in-laws home. Daal and kabobs tho! We saw a movie, ‘Kingsmen’…. not as good as anticipated. Boo.

Saturday: I slept, ate, and then my parents took all of us for dinner. We got there around 12am lol. The food was mad good though…chicken tikka!!! Oh and CHAI.

Sunday: I packed and now I’m waiting to board. See you in a few hours, Chicago. And we’re back to no-one-wants-to-talk-to-her-cause-her-bad-character.

Peace…

Hope

I used to be so hopeful about everything before. Meaning not recently, as you know from the vibe we have been moping around here ever so often (for the past few months at least). Well, I try to be hopeful. I try. I do. I get frustrated every night. I am still trying. [Insert emo sighing].

Ways to be hopeful:

-Forcing yourself to think of the good…people have faults and I know I have a ton. Try to look past those faults, and instead figure out why they are doing what they are.
-Don’t let other people influence their opinions on you about another person. (Going back to the ‘advice’ above).
-Be independent. This makes you more likely to be able to care and make someone else happy.
-Give them time and space. When they want you in their space, step into it, only to give them your undivided attention.
-Put actions to your words.
-Remember God. Pray, and ask for contentment.
-Be creative and make yourself some food. It will help you appreciate the simple things in life.
-Talk about your issues and resolve them. Its better to hurt someone in the acute sense, then cause yourself and them too, chronic pain for the rest of your life.
-Take a trip some where. (Psht…I wish).
-Remember nothing lasts forever… not even hopelessness, if you try to be hopeful. I hope. (See what I did there hahah).
-If people start not liking your thoughts and don’t want to understand your methods, just because they defy the norms and stupid society, then that’s their problem.
image

-Do something productive everyday! I have a week to myself so I’ll post up daily blog entries to keep myself in check!

-Peace out!

Typical.

Here’s a rant, because everyone imposing talking about their old-brown-people-ideology is getting on my nerves. I hate being Brown. Not my ethnicity, or the country where my parents are from, just the usual social-suffocating life that a female has to be forced to go through. I tried to change that, cause Islam gives women rights, as you might or might not have read about when I wrote that eye-opening post way back when . How many people are you gonna try to convince, so the second option I have is to avoid them, ’cause I can’t give into this family drama anymore, and cause if I don’t like it, I can only pretend for such a small amount of time until I get all cranky and everyone starts hating me. In short: I can’t act fake like other people.

Words I hate:
– love…its not real. So stop talking about it. Stop lying to people about it.
– compromise…is real, but to an extent. STOP TRYING TO IMPOSE SOMEONE TO LIVE LIKE THEIR NOT USED TO…this leads to resentment, hate, annoyance.
– life. What have I become.
– feelings…psht. I like being a robot. Accept it, or don’t.
– uneducated, i.e. if you have the opportunity, you should get educated…yes meaning go to college and get a degree and learn some grammar.
– loser: a MALE who stays at home or on the streets wasting everyone elses, including his own, time doing nothing.
– Disgusting loser: a MALE who expects females to cook, clean, work, take care of your dumb kids and everyone elses, work and give you her money, and live like the idiot ladies on Star-plus serials, but as dirt. Oh I hate you all.
– NY. yes. I’m never going back. Why, cause I dont have a home there anymore. Stinks right? Well, I was told something else and not told other things, before making the most rushed decision of my life. So yea. I’ve embraced Chicago…I actually wanna live here forever now.

image

Wildberry pancakes, Chicago, IL. ❤

– swear words.
– insults…making fun of people behind their back. In my defense, I am talking about a general topic.
– urdu… I used to love it. It was so soothing and soft spoken, before. Just don’t nag others to speak it if they don’t, annoying much? You knew what you were getting yourself into.
– Punjabi…eh. just eh.
– sloppy joe. WHY.
– change. Its ok if its changing for good, but NEVER try to change anyone…aka being a pain to be around. No one wants to be around someone who can’t accept another how they are. Durf.
– shoulder. I can’t pronounce this word.
– finals…yea, I should go study now.

-Peace out.

Happy Holidays

Its getting worse by the hour. And that’s why you ran away. Smart choice. Can’t wait to go to Chicago and never return. From 5 to 3…congrats and thanks for not being understanding, asking my side with patience, listening, cause no one is supposed to care or listen to her feelings. As he said, ‘you’re feelings dont matter’. Thanks for being bias, and to your instigator who apparently makes your life better every year, and ruins ours mine.