Rushing life.

I was having these naafs-bothering-notions for like four years. My parents told me multiple times to see a therapist, not that anyone would actually take me there, and of course I am an unemployed-broke-‘adult’-whose driving permit expired a while back. I sound pretty dang pathetic. This was me a a couple months ago. Except the last part about the permit, I still don’t have one. 

All my life I loved lists and planning. Not the girly wedding planning stuff you only find out about in rom-coms , the kind that you see a crazy mute kid who is scribbling away in her one of few journals about her day, in mist of an unfinished poem she plagerized from the latest Shell Silverstein  back in the 90s. She was a cool child, not back then but now I’d definitely would want my future daughter to hang out with the old me- not old, young, one from the past, you get it. I’d only let my future daughter hang out with the child-me until the child-me was done with middle school. It’s not ’cause puberty; that happened way later. It’s because after middle school I got ugly (LOL idk what happened, seriously). 

Anyway, that’s a different post waiting to happen. So I planned my day every night. I was the kind of weirdo who would count how many hours they will get to sleep, what snacks I’d purchase from the ghetto deli, and I was ok with it. Simple things like this ended right after middle school. High school became a gateway to my insanity as a dumb butt teenager who was in the smart people classes. I started obsessing about grades and my future.

Then enter Undergrad, I started planning the worst things a newbie 18 yr old brown girl could start planning… Life. Something that includes other people, places, failure, and all things not under anything humans can control. Yup. The last couple years I was slowly hitting the bottom of my rock, not to be confused with my imaginary pet rock (lols just imagine me smacking the bottom of a rock. Seriously. Insanity.) 

I’m ok now. Alhumdulilah.  

So, which shoe should I get? See, my life is so unpredictable these days.

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Questions

I need your help, if you can answer these dang questions, that would be great. I have some clue, on what I think the answers should be from what I feel, but lets face it, ‘pagal hogai’ (Insert voice of dramatic Phebe from Friends, ‘THIS IS MADNESS I TELL YOU, For the Love of God!!!’, which btw I finished for the second time, all seasons; twice… I mean, the show Friends.) as my mom would call me. So, I want to know if I am delusional for thinking how/what I do.

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#evaEats Twister wrap with sweet potato fries from Natives Food Cafe in Chicago. Fav!!


1) What do you do if you yourself aren’t making someone happy, like if you’re in a relationship with them?
2) What can you do to make life better, in general?
3) How do you find someone who doesn’t want to be found?
4) What do you do when your potatoes are burning in the oven at 1am? (LOL jk. they aren’t burning yet).
5) Is it a good idea to ‘go with the flow’…if so in what circumstances. Which ones is it not to think like that?
6) Should one never ever visit a place just because they are now a ‘taboo’ amongst the people there?
7) Is getting closure a good idea?
8) How do you stop binges esp in the night time?
9) What’s your name?
10) Would you run away from a recurrent issue after you’ve tried to confront it?
11) Should I go to Comic Con Chicago, even if I go by myself?

OK, good luck. I’m not expecting much enthusiasm. None the less, I applaud you all for being here with me. Loners FTW. JK, I’m the only one lol (the good old generic lol. ah #jokes).
-eva626

Ramadan 1436/2015

We made it, Alhumdulilah! Its the 4th day of Ramadan. One more hour till Iftar aka opening my fast. This is the most “unique” type of Ramadan I am spending in my whole life…well, that I can remember. Its because I am alone in Chicago. Yea, I’m alone in the kitchen, in my room, during Suhoor, during Iftar. But, Alhumdulilah, I have my friends here to keep me motivated. Also, I have my family on the other side of skype and my deceptive cell phone. Its all good ;).

The other day, the Muslim girls in my educational institute…lol, hosted Iftar for us. It was like a “pot luck” or a “One-dish” as all you brown people like to call it. I made Gol Gappas, of course [that’s the thing with chickpeas and stuff, and you put that in the Panni Puri thing and eat it. Look it up]. Everyone loved them, surprisingly. I actually had to improvise without my original recipe, mostly in part because I lost my memory. LOL. Astigfirullah. I meant like I couldn’t remember it. That’s so bad. However, it worked! Unfortunately I couldn’t make the “coconut lemon aid” I wanted to. Time management issues I tell you.

Ramadan #2015 #1436 #Alhumdulilah #Blessing

Ramadan #2015 #1436 #Alhumdulilah #Blessing

I skyped with my family this morning at 3am, during their Suhoor time. That Bagaan tho [eggplant salaan my mom made for my family]. I miss my family. In other not so important news, I finished Season 2 of Agents of Shield. which means no more distractions for Ramadan. Its a really good show btw! Diverging off topic…Dua for me. I get lost a lot. I also have Clinic tomorrow…2 shifts! Then, I have another shift in the morning on Tuesday after our Exam! Ah.

YA KUDAYA, MADAD! [Lord, Help]

Anyway, I should prep for Iftar…by myself…for myself…with myself. Ah, its all good though!

Hope

I used to be so hopeful about everything before. Meaning not recently, as you know from the vibe we have been moping around here ever so often (for the past few months at least). Well, I try to be hopeful. I try. I do. I get frustrated every night. I am still trying. [Insert emo sighing].

Ways to be hopeful:

-Forcing yourself to think of the good…people have faults and I know I have a ton. Try to look past those faults, and instead figure out why they are doing what they are.
-Don’t let other people influence their opinions on you about another person. (Going back to the ‘advice’ above).
-Be independent. This makes you more likely to be able to care and make someone else happy.
-Give them time and space. When they want you in their space, step into it, only to give them your undivided attention.
-Put actions to your words.
-Remember God. Pray, and ask for contentment.
-Be creative and make yourself some food. It will help you appreciate the simple things in life.
-Talk about your issues and resolve them. Its better to hurt someone in the acute sense, then cause yourself and them too, chronic pain for the rest of your life.
-Take a trip some where. (Psht…I wish).
-Remember nothing lasts forever… not even hopelessness, if you try to be hopeful. I hope. (See what I did there hahah).
-If people start not liking your thoughts and don’t want to understand your methods, just because they defy the norms and stupid society, then that’s their problem.
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-Do something productive everyday! I have a week to myself so I’ll post up daily blog entries to keep myself in check!

-Peace out!

Stupid Culture

Don’t get me wrong, but being cultured is a part of becoming knowledgable and understanding different groups of people. Thats a great thing. Traveling and absorbing new cultures creates character, tolerance, and makes you kind toward humanity [at least thats the way I see it]. And then there is ‘following dumb cultural traditions’. Oh, this gets on my nerves! I hate it so much. If I know someone and I find out he or she follows a certain cultural tradition that disturbs peoples’ or an individual’s life including my own, I start disliking them slowly. A lot.

This is problematic. So, I turn to Islamic teachings and try to find out if Islam agrees on these traditions or its just stupidity passed on by generation to generation. The latter comes to conclusion most of the time. Then, I take a deep breath and confirm that I am not crazy.

One of my missions in life is to abolish the ‘people think this’ or ‘what will they say’ or ‘but thats how it is’ norm. And, I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

The hard part is when you want to potentially ‘like’ someone, but their thinking is stuck in that profound nonsense. Its so hard not to hurt their feelings. You have to take risks. I try little by little, but when they aren’t getting it, I have to talk about it face-to-my-intense-I-almost-hate-you-face.

Good luck to me.
I hope you all had a great ThanksGiving.

Day 19

“Believers are merely those whose hearts feel wary whenever God is mentioned and whose faith increases when His verses are recited to them. On their Lord do they rely. Those who keep up prayer and spend some of what We have provided them with are truly believers” (Quran 8:2-4).

Asmah [RA] related that the Prophet [Peace be upon him] said: Spend, and do not count, lest Allah counts against you. Do not withhold your money, lest Allah withholds from you. Spend what you can. (Bukhari, Muslim)

Abu Huraira [RA] related that the Prophet [Peace be upon him] said: The Lord’s commandment for every one of His slaves is, ‘Spend on others, and I will spend on you’. (Bukhari, Muslim)

http://www.soundvision.com/Info/life/qandh.asp