Just do it!

My friends and I were going to a coffee shop, as we do these days, and came across a chalk-wall. It was pretty cool! I honestly don’t think about what I want to do before I die.

But like everyone I do have so many things I want to do, I just don’t think about them so much that I would make a wall for it. For instance, I want to go on a girls-trip-multiple months in Europe back-packing vacation, I want to meet my best friend again, I want to walk across a city (a whole city), I want to make my own ice-cream, I want to graduate and settle down on the island, I want to raise my future kids hydrogenated-oil/processed-sugar/dairy/meat-free, and have them go to my dream schools, etc…

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Some of the things on this wall are pretty humorous, and some are very sad and touching. Also, I am very tempted to call that number. In other news, I found out that my friend is to be engaged in less than a month. When I heard this, my heart dropped. I hate hearing it from other people. We used to be so close as you all know…and I was supposed to be the first to know. Also its not 2025 yet. I guess its just pay-back for when I got married without letting anyone know. Regret, all the time, contentment…I’m getting there. Thats what I have to keep telling myself. Well, I shouldn’t explain it here. I am not a good example for the young people here. Its whatever.

Some tips I can give to the youngsters, which I may have written in previous posts:

Kids, stay in school. Marry the love of your life. Stay grammatically correct, because uneducated beings are very unattractive. Stick to the conversation. The most unattractive man, is one who goes off topic and says irrelevant things. just to deem himself correct. I know. Its disgusting. Like really, YOU DON”T MAKE SENSE. YOU FOOL.

Follow these and it will make your goals “before you die” a little bit easier. Actually don’t listen to me, I don’t make sense. I disgust myself.

-eva626

 

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Rushing life.

I was having these naafs-bothering-notions for like four years. My parents told me multiple times to see a therapist, not that anyone would actually take me there, and of course I am an unemployed-broke-‘adult’-whose driving permit expired a while back. I sound pretty dang pathetic. This was me a a couple months ago. Except the last part about the permit, I still don’t have one. 

All my life I loved lists and planning. Not the girly wedding planning stuff you only find out about in rom-coms , the kind that you see a crazy mute kid who is scribbling away in her one of few journals about her day, in mist of an unfinished poem she plagerized from the latest Shell Silverstein  back in the 90s. She was a cool child, not back then but now I’d definitely would want my future daughter to hang out with the old me- not old, young, one from the past, you get it. I’d only let my future daughter hang out with the child-me until the child-me was done with middle school. It’s not ’cause puberty; that happened way later. It’s because after middle school I got ugly (LOL idk what happened, seriously). 

Anyway, that’s a different post waiting to happen. So I planned my day every night. I was the kind of weirdo who would count how many hours they will get to sleep, what snacks I’d purchase from the ghetto deli, and I was ok with it. Simple things like this ended right after middle school. High school became a gateway to my insanity as a dumb butt teenager who was in the smart people classes. I started obsessing about grades and my future.

Then enter Undergrad, I started planning the worst things a newbie 18 yr old brown girl could start planning… Life. Something that includes other people, places, failure, and all things not under anything humans can control. Yup. The last couple years I was slowly hitting the bottom of my rock, not to be confused with my imaginary pet rock (lols just imagine me smacking the bottom of a rock. Seriously. Insanity.) 

I’m ok now. Alhumdulilah.  

So, which shoe should I get? See, my life is so unpredictable these days.

Obsession at its finest.

Hi all.

I know some of you might have gotten offended or annoyed on how ‘salty’ my posts have been lately. Its because my mouth has developed this sour taste from the world and its portrayed by how my attitude reflects how I am taking the events that have occurred in my life. I can’t deal. I just want to be alone, at least then I won’t be so lonely. I know, I am such a brat.

In other news, my body is decaying and my mind is melting.

I’ve been eating so bad…meaning, I have been eating the whole house while my parents are away. I feel sick. I’ll let you know my progress is by next week, on my oh-so-interesting-eating-habits, because thats always fun to read about. You get my vibe…I am not a happy person.

So, the title, as you have been waiting to be directed to is about my dangerous obsession with things, people, etc… through my life. As of now its basically whining over what I couldn’t have in the past and Gossip Girl. Yea, I am on season 6 now. It has died down. I think because I’ve been binge watching it for a long time now. I give myself breaks with all the youtube videos I try to catch up on in between a few episodes, but besides that I am a such a loser.  Still a living loser, in old wrinkly flesh. Eat me.

I have also been obsessed with those 10 sec bollywood videos on instagram. Nostalgia or whatever. Also that song from BajiRoa Mastani, Malhari. FAAT LOU LEE! Granted I didn’t like the movie, but that song is catchy even though I don’t understand it. Now, back to my insanity:  I get caught in the world of… what ifs and the whole ‘shoulda coulda woulda’ deal. I have created this endless spiral of depression where I sink in and I can’t seem to find anything positive  because all of that is lost in the past. I hate everything. BYE.

LOL. I will continue. I don’t have a friend to talk to or anyone I love. I am so close to losing my education and a means to support my family. I don’t want anyone else to be close to me. I have decided not to do anything and not to say anything until matters resolves…meaning until everything is ruined… not that anything was ever ok. The sad part is that what I wanted, noone else did. I can’t. Someone just pull the rug or trigger. LOL whatever that phrase is…i dont even know if its a real phrase.

You guys get it right? I am completely mad.

The time has come. Let the chaos begin.

or continue in my case.

-Eva626

 

 

 

Not choosing a suitor

Hi readers, 

Here’s a topic that is more of self-help for my fellow gals, or a drop-dead shocker to all the aunti’s and old-controling-male-hags of the world. I used to write posts of love and marriage and how everything is so grand and blah blah blah bs.

Well, things change depending on circumstances and basically who you have chosen or who was chosen for you, and you being the best little goody two shoes of the household, agreed upon it. 

Ill just say it now: NEVER GO FOR A FOREIGN BORN BROWN MALE.

First off, you can already tell their lack of intelligence when they try to argue about the dumbest things like, oh so genetics isn’t a real thing or if cancer is real then how come people in the past never had it. All that nonsense that most people won’t have the energy to quarrel on. Like come on, try going to college first. Oh, and the best ones are those questions after you say the very normal words, “duration” or “convenience” followed by the true stupid questions “what do you mean, duration?”. Really? its a darn word…go look it up. 

Second, you’re living in this time era not the one of your zameen (land) in the 18th century. They’ll force you to be apart of their family…nothing is wrong with that except the word FORCE. No, you married that one person not the whole dang kandaan (family). They don’t take into account what type of person they are with, in terms of born and raised in a certain place, in a certain time.

Third, mentality at its finest. OLD. Today’s time and issues are different from way back then. Islam has made it so that people can accommodate on certain issues (not all but ones that take into account the place and time). Rulings and living, etc… Each has its place in life and should be followed. Stick to what you know is right and try NOT to compromise on things you know that are wrong. You might get in trouble with some things I’ve said here, so don’t listen to me for the most part (disclaimer). You’ll always be seen as the bad one, especially because of the cultural differences. Kill that culture if you don’t like it. It might kill you in the processes but so be it. Ha. I am already half way dead. 

Some advice, tell them to deal with it or leave. Of-course you won’t be able to directly, cause your mom, who is also sucked into the stupid social expectation and drama…from noone that really even cares. So you try it for a year, do whatever and hold up your own. When your family goes out of the country leaving you behind like a piece of trash, you drop those cherished words that you’ve been saving ever since two months in, “Like you said before, this isn’t working, you should talk to the parents”. 

Fourth, only go for someone who you fell in love with because no matter how ludicrous and old fashion they may be, you’ll always find a way to love them. But, if its arranged, just don’t do it   you should know what you will be dealing with… a slow death everyday . Heck, even the immigration lady predicted “it doesn’t look like its working out”. Lets see if that holds true. 

Love Cyrus. 

Children, take notes.

I had a plan ever since I turned 19. Yea, I know… #hagLife. My plan was to get married at 20, become a doctor, and have beautiful children with a person I loved. This is life, and stuff doesn’t happen. There’s regret, misfortune, chaos, timing, career, family issues, yatta-yatta-yatta [that’s old for ‘blah blah blah’ #haglife remember].

So, here’s some tips and hints to life for the future children who are planning their life.

1) Keep planning cause organization is essential and it gives you hope. Plus, it helps to plan your classes while in undergrad so you don’t waste a chunk of your life at first base.

2) Plan the things YOU are able to do. Because not every thing goes accordingly especially if it involves other people.

3) Follow your dreams, passion, career goals, life style goals, even if they are hard and time consuming.

4) Focus on religion, your goals, family, food, and whoever you can help out. Speaking of , well more like mentioning lol food:

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3am craving

5) If you fall in love, marry that person, and if you don’t fall in love, marry someone according to your list (yes, there are lists for everything) and make sure you communicate with the other side often before changing your life….change is scary.

6) Keep yourself healthy and your teeth… its going to cost a lot of money to fix things in your body. Plus, you hav to accomplish your goals…so you don’t got time for no appointments and stuff. psht. #timeIsmoneyandYouth.

7) Live off of home remedies, unless you have allergies to something. Blame/thank genetics.

8) Turn to Allah in distress and happiness. There are points in your life that will cause you to go astray, but you can get back on it and try your very hardest to stay on the right path with Allah’s help. Remember:

“Allah says, ‘I am as my servant expects Me to be, and I am with him when he remembers me. If he thinks of Me, I think of him. If he mentions Me in company, I mention him in an even better company. When he comes closer to Me by a handspan, I come closer to him an arm’s length. If he draws closer to Me by an arm’s length, I draw closer by a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him. If my servant comes to Me walking, I go to him running.” (Al-Bukhari).

9) Drink lots of water.

-Peace Out!

Monday

I woke up at 5am [Yes, its that kind of post], and got ready. I had packed my suitcase the night before…’see, how clever I am’ (my Mom’s catch phrase, nvm you won’t get it). I got in the shuttle and got to the airport two hours early, cause that’s how excited, and cautious I am. I slept once I got home.

Tuesday: I ate alot of my mom’s cooking. Yummmmm. Oh, I realized I got fat. Boo.

Wednesday: I can’t remember what happened here…oh wait nvm. i went to my undergrad with my brother, to help him get motivated for his internship application and stuff. Insha Allah he will get spot.

Thursday: I saw a movie during this week but idk. My husband and I went to dinner to Cheesecake Factory in Jersey… loved their veggie burger!

Friday: Jummah! We went to Brooklyn and prayed Friday prayer and I spent the day at the in-laws home. Daal and kabobs tho! We saw a movie, ‘Kingsmen’…. not as good as anticipated. Boo.

Saturday: I slept, ate, and then my parents took all of us for dinner. We got there around 12am lol. The food was mad good though…chicken tikka!!! Oh and CHAI.

Sunday: I packed and now I’m waiting to board. See you in a few hours, Chicago. And we’re back to no-one-wants-to-talk-to-her-cause-her-bad-character.

Peace…

Hope

I used to be so hopeful about everything before. Meaning not recently, as you know from the vibe we have been moping around here ever so often (for the past few months at least). Well, I try to be hopeful. I try. I do. I get frustrated every night. I am still trying. [Insert emo sighing].

Ways to be hopeful:

-Forcing yourself to think of the good…people have faults and I know I have a ton. Try to look past those faults, and instead figure out why they are doing what they are.
-Don’t let other people influence their opinions on you about another person. (Going back to the ‘advice’ above).
-Be independent. This makes you more likely to be able to care and make someone else happy.
-Give them time and space. When they want you in their space, step into it, only to give them your undivided attention.
-Put actions to your words.
-Remember God. Pray, and ask for contentment.
-Be creative and make yourself some food. It will help you appreciate the simple things in life.
-Talk about your issues and resolve them. Its better to hurt someone in the acute sense, then cause yourself and them too, chronic pain for the rest of your life.
-Take a trip some where. (Psht…I wish).
-Remember nothing lasts forever… not even hopelessness, if you try to be hopeful. I hope. (See what I did there hahah).
-If people start not liking your thoughts and don’t want to understand your methods, just because they defy the norms and stupid society, then that’s their problem.
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-Do something productive everyday! I have a week to myself so I’ll post up daily blog entries to keep myself in check!

-Peace out!