Don’t wake me up.

This is about the dream I had this morning. Ok, this morning because I woke up at 8am to just use the restroom and then went back to sleep for 2 hrs. These were the best two hours.

I was invited to go on a week long family/friends reunion in some country not traveled to by any of my family/friends or me. We were all there. People who didn’t know each other, but people who knew me. There were little cousins, still as young as I remember them 5 yrs ago, and people who I see every so often. Everyone eating their petite appetizers prepared by me in my beautiful kitchen, part of my luxury home that had a patio/deck to an area of water led to by some natural stone steps. This was not even the highlight of this dream. All the little ones were playing, and all the adults were talking.

Even in my own “vacation?” home, I’m guessing thats what this was, since it was somewhere else in the world, where all good things happen OBVIOUSLY, I was still alone. I am alone most of the time and I don’t mind it. It only hurts when I feel lonely. I feel lonely most when I go back to NY, only when I am not around my siblings/parents. Its so sad because I used to love NY. So, I was just trying to be a good host and picking up after people, going into the kitchen and into the living room, back and forth, making sure every thing was intact, not broken, and also tidy. Then everyone just left to go out somewhere. I guess I missed the memo LOL. I was still cleaning and nobody picked up the “dusturkhan” [the sheet or cloth you put on the floor, where we normally eat food together]. So I go and grab the napkin to clean it off. I start the one end that is near the glass door and leads to the patio. Then I make my way to the other end, which is disturbingly more dimmed in lighting, now that I think about it. There is also a curtain on that side of the room. It sounds kinda creepy now. But yea, I do go towards that end and I see that arm [connected to a living person of course LOL. I read that line over and trust me this was not a nightmare. If it was, I would have either died and never woke up {not what I meant in the title of this post btw} or would have woke up asap leading me to not write this post at all].

Oh. That person came to my uncalled-for-reunion and hid from everyone, only to reveal himself to me! Great, people must think I am crazy now again. I move my eyes up to see that face. That smirk. “Hi”. Somehow I end up falling onto this person. I am guessing at this point we have stood up or something. IDK. But, I am a clumsy person in my dreams. I face palmed on to this person’s arm, making contact and I feel a nerve pull back, not from me. Yes, that mystery still has some modesty [insert dapper man with bowtie pretending to hold a plate of hors d’oeuvres up to his shoulders, with one hand]. The feels tho. I can’t explain the rest I don’t want to explain the rest. Anyway. I woke up and it was the worst thing ever. I wish this was real. Then I went to school to study for my final.

-eva626.

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Ramadan 1436/2015

We made it, Alhumdulilah! Its the 4th day of Ramadan. One more hour till Iftar aka opening my fast. This is the most “unique” type of Ramadan I am spending in my whole life…well, that I can remember. Its because I am alone in Chicago. Yea, I’m alone in the kitchen, in my room, during Suhoor, during Iftar. But, Alhumdulilah, I have my friends here to keep me motivated. Also, I have my family on the other side of skype and my deceptive cell phone. Its all good ;).

The other day, the Muslim girls in my educational institute…lol, hosted Iftar for us. It was like a “pot luck” or a “One-dish” as all you brown people like to call it. I made Gol Gappas, of course [that’s the thing with chickpeas and stuff, and you put that in the Panni Puri thing and eat it. Look it up]. Everyone loved them, surprisingly. I actually had to improvise without my original recipe, mostly in part because I lost my memory. LOL. Astigfirullah. I meant like I couldn’t remember it. That’s so bad. However, it worked! Unfortunately I couldn’t make the “coconut lemon aid” I wanted to. Time management issues I tell you.

Ramadan #2015 #1436 #Alhumdulilah #Blessing

Ramadan #2015 #1436 #Alhumdulilah #Blessing

I skyped with my family this morning at 3am, during their Suhoor time. That Bagaan tho [eggplant salaan my mom made for my family]. I miss my family. In other not so important news, I finished Season 2 of Agents of Shield. which means no more distractions for Ramadan. Its a really good show btw! Diverging off topic…Dua for me. I get lost a lot. I also have Clinic tomorrow…2 shifts! Then, I have another shift in the morning on Tuesday after our Exam! Ah.

YA KUDAYA, MADAD! [Lord, Help]

Anyway, I should prep for Iftar…by myself…for myself…with myself. Ah, its all good though!

Monday

I woke up at 5am [Yes, its that kind of post], and got ready. I had packed my suitcase the night before…’see, how clever I am’ (my Mom’s catch phrase, nvm you won’t get it). I got in the shuttle and got to the airport two hours early, cause that’s how excited, and cautious I am. I slept once I got home.

Tuesday: I ate alot of my mom’s cooking. Yummmmm. Oh, I realized I got fat. Boo.

Wednesday: I can’t remember what happened here…oh wait nvm. i went to my undergrad with my brother, to help him get motivated for his internship application and stuff. Insha Allah he will get spot.

Thursday: I saw a movie during this week but idk. My husband and I went to dinner to Cheesecake Factory in Jersey… loved their veggie burger!

Friday: Jummah! We went to Brooklyn and prayed Friday prayer and I spent the day at the in-laws home. Daal and kabobs tho! We saw a movie, ‘Kingsmen’…. not as good as anticipated. Boo.

Saturday: I slept, ate, and then my parents took all of us for dinner. We got there around 12am lol. The food was mad good though…chicken tikka!!! Oh and CHAI.

Sunday: I packed and now I’m waiting to board. See you in a few hours, Chicago. And we’re back to no-one-wants-to-talk-to-her-cause-her-bad-character.

Peace…

Typical.

Here’s a rant, because everyone imposing talking about their old-brown-people-ideology is getting on my nerves. I hate being Brown. Not my ethnicity, or the country where my parents are from, just the usual social-suffocating life that a female has to be forced to go through. I tried to change that, cause Islam gives women rights, as you might or might not have read about when I wrote that eye-opening post way back when . How many people are you gonna try to convince, so the second option I have is to avoid them, ’cause I can’t give into this family drama anymore, and cause if I don’t like it, I can only pretend for such a small amount of time until I get all cranky and everyone starts hating me. In short: I can’t act fake like other people.

Words I hate:
– love…its not real. So stop talking about it. Stop lying to people about it.
– compromise…is real, but to an extent. STOP TRYING TO IMPOSE SOMEONE TO LIVE LIKE THEIR NOT USED TO…this leads to resentment, hate, annoyance.
– life. What have I become.
– feelings…psht. I like being a robot. Accept it, or don’t.
– uneducated, i.e. if you have the opportunity, you should get educated…yes meaning go to college and get a degree and learn some grammar.
– loser: a MALE who stays at home or on the streets wasting everyone elses, including his own, time doing nothing.
– Disgusting loser: a MALE who expects females to cook, clean, work, take care of your dumb kids and everyone elses, work and give you her money, and live like the idiot ladies on Star-plus serials, but as dirt. Oh I hate you all.
– NY. yes. I’m never going back. Why, cause I dont have a home there anymore. Stinks right? Well, I was told something else and not told other things, before making the most rushed decision of my life. So yea. I’ve embraced Chicago…I actually wanna live here forever now.

image

Wildberry pancakes, Chicago, IL. ❤

– swear words.
– insults…making fun of people behind their back. In my defense, I am talking about a general topic.
– urdu… I used to love it. It was so soothing and soft spoken, before. Just don’t nag others to speak it if they don’t, annoying much? You knew what you were getting yourself into.
– Punjabi…eh. just eh.
– sloppy joe. WHY.
– change. Its ok if its changing for good, but NEVER try to change anyone…aka being a pain to be around. No one wants to be around someone who can’t accept another how they are. Durf.
– shoulder. I can’t pronounce this word.
– finals…yea, I should go study now.

-Peace out.

Happy Holidays

Its getting worse by the hour. And that’s why you ran away. Smart choice. Can’t wait to go to Chicago and never return. From 5 to 3…congrats and thanks for not being understanding, asking my side with patience, listening, cause no one is supposed to care or listen to her feelings. As he said, ‘you’re feelings dont matter’. Thanks for being bias, and to your instigator who apparently makes your life better every year, and ruins ours mine.

The Amazingly Edible-oh-I-can’t-get-enough Healthy Oatmeal and Chocolate Chip Cookies

I always trash talk my cooking and baking…Its not because I can’t cook/bake. Its mainly because I don’t like to when I make food or baked goods “healthy”, people in my home aka the family members, don’t eat the darn food. I usually don’t follow the instructions or the ingredient list for the matter of fact [haha ‘for the matter of fact” haha, I’ll use this in real life now]. But, this time, I did follow the directions…not so much the ingredient list. Its ’cause  I be cool like that. I fell short of the ingredients needed. Yea, so since I live in Chicago now, I was so confused on where everything was…so me being smart and stuff, I ‘thought’ we had all the ingredients, but we didn’t. Well, we kinda-sorta did have all the ingredients, but I guess i didn’t want to use them. Ok, fine, I actually was going to use them, but then while I was taking everything out to prep, I cringed and I tried to make it healthy…AND I DID. HA. 

Here’s the Original Recipe

“Chewy oatmeal cookies packed with walnuts and chocolate chips are easy to make, and your family will love the combination of flavors.”
INGREDIENTS:
1 cup butter, softened
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
3 cups quick-cooking oats
1 cup chopped walnuts
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter, brown sugar, and white sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in vanilla. Combine the flour, baking soda, and salt; stir into the creamed mixture until just blended. Mix in the quick oats, walnuts, and chocolate chips. Drop by heaping spoonfuls onto ungreased baking sheets.
3. Bake for 12 minutes in the preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2014 Allrecipes.com Printed from Allrecipes.com 6/4/2014

This is how they came out after I switched up a few things: 

My midnight craving has begun. Great.

My midnight craving has begun. Great.

Looks great huh? Since I don’t usually take part in such activities like, baking or anything really haha, I had no idea what 1 cup of butter looked like…and found out its TWO STICKS. Yea so, I replaced it with 1 stick and 1/4 cup of Greek yogurt. Instead of using 3 cups of ALL-PURPOSE-BAD-FOR-YOU-FLOUR, I used 3 cups of White Whole Wheat Flour. SCORE. I used parchment paper so I don’t add excess oil/greasy to the cookies; its also easier afterwards to just pick up the whole sheet of paper and lay it onto the cooling rack instead of individually trying to transfer them. Yea, I’m lazy, but smart. Maybe. Oh, the instructions say to have them in the oven for 12 mins, but since I replaced some things, I had them in there for 14-Perfect-mins.  You can refrigerate the batter unless you plan on making all of them at the same time. WARNING: don’t make them all at once, cause ‘even a lot of a good thing is bad for you’ blah blah blah, unless you have a lot of people coming over, then its fine. You won’t be able to resist just two. Thats, why I made 12 at a time for three days, cause my family and myself included, don’t have self control over good food, even though this recipe was HEALTHY. Oh, and I did everything by hand [haha i read this over, I mean not really stirring with my hands, I used a spoon and a fork lol…but, no mixer or whisk. Yea, this is embarrassing, but I couldn’t find those things, not even the measuring spoons. I used a normal dessert spoon for the normal-person-baking teaspoon and a normal cereal spoon for a normal tablespoon. I only found the measuring cups.

Ok, Happy eating, or bingeing on these cookies, ’cause you’re too cool for my warning.

Peace!

 

Ignore the fortune.

Hello,

   I’d like to write a serious normal post for you all…or even for myself. The time is exactly 1:41am here in New York [as I typed the time atleast]. I have been a-not-so-motivated-person for the beginning of this summer break that has been granted to me, Alhumdulilah. However, yesterday I did try, mind you. I went to sleep early; in our home this means around 11:30pm. I did fall asleep, which didn’t make sense, since I woke up super late that day. The next morning I woke up at 5:15am. It was an accomplishment, but then I wanted to sleep for a bit more, because my darn ego wasn’t very satisfied. I layed there for a good three hours (I think), and fell asleep. But, lo-behold [is this right?], woke up around-um-idk- 12pm. And then, fell asleep at 8pm, woke up at 10:30pm. OMG. What’s wrong with me. Ugh I hate this. Urg… Dang, pardon my rage.

A poem

So a post, I have finally typed.
For this late I’m fairly hyped.
My mind likes to wonder.
Stories of the past, it ponders
It hurts, but then it doesn’t.
It can if I let it, but it mustn’t.
A fortune cookie once read,
‘Not to analyze the tales all dead’.
I laughed and just ate the cookie.
That was me ‘before’. A rookie.
Well, why should I turn my head,
For every moment, I certainly do not dread.
They make me who I am.
And as for analyzing every bit of time…
I shall keep doing so. It is that sublime.
-Eva626

Well, that took a whole other turn. Lol. It kinda does tie into this post…especially the beginning. I think. See, still not gonna stop analyzing. Dumb fortune cookie. I wish I had one right now.

Oh, a treat for you all.

image
Yum.
Peace out.