Come back, wondering mind.

I had a dream last night…it wasn’t a good dream. It was a worrisome dream. One that makes you stop and think about how I have to grasp reality and let go, since you already let go way before, which honestly kills me.  I was so scared to take a step forward into the past because I thought that it might make me go crazy of how much I want to go back. But, then in this dream, I did and it was like a slap in the face. I wanted this dream to stay a fantasy and one to where I can go and hide in when ever I felt alone or sad, but the dream was actually a wake up call, just call me an oxymoron will ya (get it LOL). For real though, it pulled me in and nothing! Like what, why, I really wish it was something. I wanted it to stay a sweet hiding place but it was rather blah…

Gosh. My escape became as bland as my reality. Thanks, dream you are such a nightmare. (LOL I did it again – not Britney)

-eva626

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Obsession at its finest.

Hi all.

I know some of you might have gotten offended or annoyed on how ‘salty’ my posts have been lately. Its because my mouth has developed this sour taste from the world and its portrayed by how my attitude reflects how I am taking the events that have occurred in my life. I can’t deal. I just want to be alone, at least then I won’t be so lonely. I know, I am such a brat.

In other news, my body is decaying and my mind is melting.

I’ve been eating so bad…meaning, I have been eating the whole house while my parents are away. I feel sick. I’ll let you know my progress is by next week, on my oh-so-interesting-eating-habits, because thats always fun to read about. You get my vibe…I am not a happy person.

So, the title, as you have been waiting to be directed to is about my dangerous obsession with things, people, etc… through my life. As of now its basically whining over what I couldn’t have in the past and Gossip Girl. Yea, I am on season 6 now. It has died down. I think because I’ve been binge watching it for a long time now. I give myself breaks with all the youtube videos I try to catch up on in between a few episodes, but besides that I am a such a loser.  Still a living loser, in old wrinkly flesh. Eat me.

I have also been obsessed with those 10 sec bollywood videos on instagram. Nostalgia or whatever. Also that song from BajiRoa Mastani, Malhari. FAAT LOU LEE! Granted I didn’t like the movie, but that song is catchy even though I don’t understand it. Now, back to my insanity:  I get caught in the world of… what ifs and the whole ‘shoulda coulda woulda’ deal. I have created this endless spiral of depression where I sink in and I can’t seem to find anything positive  because all of that is lost in the past. I hate everything. BYE.

LOL. I will continue. I don’t have a friend to talk to or anyone I love. I am so close to losing my education and a means to support my family. I don’t want anyone else to be close to me. I have decided not to do anything and not to say anything until matters resolves…meaning until everything is ruined… not that anything was ever ok. The sad part is that what I wanted, noone else did. I can’t. Someone just pull the rug or trigger. LOL whatever that phrase is…i dont even know if its a real phrase.

You guys get it right? I am completely mad.

The time has come. Let the chaos begin.

or continue in my case.

-Eva626

 

 

 

Hope

I used to be so hopeful about everything before. Meaning not recently, as you know from the vibe we have been moping around here ever so often (for the past few months at least). Well, I try to be hopeful. I try. I do. I get frustrated every night. I am still trying. [Insert emo sighing].

Ways to be hopeful:

-Forcing yourself to think of the good…people have faults and I know I have a ton. Try to look past those faults, and instead figure out why they are doing what they are.
-Don’t let other people influence their opinions on you about another person. (Going back to the ‘advice’ above).
-Be independent. This makes you more likely to be able to care and make someone else happy.
-Give them time and space. When they want you in their space, step into it, only to give them your undivided attention.
-Put actions to your words.
-Remember God. Pray, and ask for contentment.
-Be creative and make yourself some food. It will help you appreciate the simple things in life.
-Talk about your issues and resolve them. Its better to hurt someone in the acute sense, then cause yourself and them too, chronic pain for the rest of your life.
-Take a trip some where. (Psht…I wish).
-Remember nothing lasts forever… not even hopelessness, if you try to be hopeful. I hope. (See what I did there hahah).
-If people start not liking your thoughts and don’t want to understand your methods, just because they defy the norms and stupid society, then that’s their problem.
image

-Do something productive everyday! I have a week to myself so I’ll post up daily blog entries to keep myself in check!

-Peace out!

Man is ungrateful.

“And it is He who has brought you to life, then He will cause you to die, then bring you to life (again); most surety man is very ungrateful”(Quran, 22:66)

“Surat Al-‘Insan [verse 3] – Indeed, We guided him to the way, be he grateful or be he ungrateful.”

Its true. Take me for example. I mean I have gotten what ever I ever wanted, when I wanted it. My mom always reminds me of this. Its good, Alhumdulilah, but then if that thing that I wanted wasn’t good for me or even if it was, I feel like I become a monster [exaggerating?]. Well, not a ‘monster-monster’ [lol I only picture monsters that eat everything in their path], I mean like a confused-monster person. I guess I get so confused or just want to make things work. Whatever, this doesn’t have to make sense to anyone except me right now. Great, I sound selfish now.

I'm not a cat fanatic, [more of a rock person tbh] but this image will do.

I’m not a cat fanatic, [more of a rock person tbh] but this image will do.


All I have to do is pray and dua to Allah. I want to feel content.

Ignore the fortune.

Hello,

   I’d like to write a serious normal post for you all…or even for myself. The time is exactly 1:41am here in New York [as I typed the time atleast]. I have been a-not-so-motivated-person for the beginning of this summer break that has been granted to me, Alhumdulilah. However, yesterday I did try, mind you. I went to sleep early; in our home this means around 11:30pm. I did fall asleep, which didn’t make sense, since I woke up super late that day. The next morning I woke up at 5:15am. It was an accomplishment, but then I wanted to sleep for a bit more, because my darn ego wasn’t very satisfied. I layed there for a good three hours (I think), and fell asleep. But, lo-behold [is this right?], woke up around-um-idk- 12pm. And then, fell asleep at 8pm, woke up at 10:30pm. OMG. What’s wrong with me. Ugh I hate this. Urg… Dang, pardon my rage.

A poem

So a post, I have finally typed.
For this late I’m fairly hyped.
My mind likes to wonder.
Stories of the past, it ponders
It hurts, but then it doesn’t.
It can if I let it, but it mustn’t.
A fortune cookie once read,
‘Not to analyze the tales all dead’.
I laughed and just ate the cookie.
That was me ‘before’. A rookie.
Well, why should I turn my head,
For every moment, I certainly do not dread.
They make me who I am.
And as for analyzing every bit of time…
I shall keep doing so. It is that sublime.
-Eva626

Well, that took a whole other turn. Lol. It kinda does tie into this post…especially the beginning. I think. See, still not gonna stop analyzing. Dumb fortune cookie. I wish I had one right now.

Oh, a treat for you all.

image
Yum.
Peace out.

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