Obsession at its finest.

Hi all.

I know some of you might have gotten offended or annoyed on how ‘salty’ my posts have been lately. Its because my mouth has developed this sour taste from the world and its portrayed by how my attitude reflects how I am taking the events that have occurred in my life. I can’t deal. I just want to be alone, at least then I won’t be so lonely. I know, I am such a brat.

In other news, my body is decaying and my mind is melting.

I’ve been eating so bad…meaning, I have been eating the whole house while my parents are away. I feel sick. I’ll let you know my progress is by next week, on my oh-so-interesting-eating-habits, because thats always fun to read about. You get my vibe…I am not a happy person.

So, the title, as you have been waiting to be directed to is about my dangerous obsession with things, people, etc… through my life. As of now its basically whining over what I couldn’t have in the past and Gossip Girl. Yea, I am on season 6 now. It has died down. I think because I’ve been binge watching it for a long time now. I give myself breaks with all the youtube videos I try to catch up on in between a few episodes, but besides that I am a such a loser.  Still a living loser, in old wrinkly flesh. Eat me.

I have also been obsessed with those 10 sec bollywood videos on instagram. Nostalgia or whatever. Also that song from BajiRoa Mastani, Malhari. FAAT LOU LEE! Granted I didn’t like the movie, but that song is catchy even though I don’t understand it. Now, back to my insanity:  I get caught in the world of… what ifs and the whole ‘shoulda coulda woulda’ deal. I have created this endless spiral of depression where I sink in and I can’t seem to find anything positive  because all of that is lost in the past. I hate everything. BYE.

LOL. I will continue. I don’t have a friend to talk to or anyone I love. I am so close to losing my education and a means to support my family. I don’t want anyone else to be close to me. I have decided not to do anything and not to say anything until matters resolves…meaning until everything is ruined… not that anything was ever ok. The sad part is that what I wanted, noone else did. I can’t. Someone just pull the rug or trigger. LOL whatever that phrase is…i dont even know if its a real phrase.

You guys get it right? I am completely mad.

The time has come. Let the chaos begin.

or continue in my case.

-Eva626

 

 

 

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Useless Dream

I thought that moment passed, forgotten. Nope, just hidden in the back of my mind. “NafsiATi” [mind-related?] I tell you.  I should be freaking out about Finals, cause’ yes, its finals week, hence the distracting-me-getting-on-the-blog-flow. Typical. The dream is kind of fuzzy now, thank God. I woke up in the middle of it and wanted to go back into it. Darn that alarm and school. JK I love the Education, and need that alarm. Alhumdulilah.

It was a Sunrise. Beautiful, I know. Deal with it.

It was a Sunrise. Beautiful, I know. Deal with it.

It was you. Me. and some random girl who was supposedly my younger sister? Like, come on. Get out of my dream, you dweeb. I wanted a younger sister in real life, not in this dream [sure told her HA]. Anyway, it was personal. So close, and personal. Ah. It was…lovely, actually. However, a disappointment upon awakening. You were the same as I knew you, and so was I, except it was a dream and everything was not perfect, but that didn’t matter because we were there. Sticking together till the end. Together. My best friend. Always.

So…you guys want me to write about something specific…I mean if you people still exist. I’ve been so bad at blogging and stuff. Mostly bad at “stuff”. Yea, so tell me! I really want to write at least once a week. Lets see how that goes. BTW, Eid Mubarak?

-eva626

It isn’t all Pessimism.

I know for the past ten posts I have been writing, it can be said that this place has become a burial ground for the negative. Well, too bad. JK.

So, some advice for anyone who would like to make me not so pessimistic:
-Surprise me…oh idk, send me a care package or something.

Last year, during finals week, yes its finals week for me right now as you already know I was so stressed and everything and then I got a collection of tea bags in the mail from Tea India! Oh, that made me so happy. (Just reminiscing)

That being said…here’s a lovely poem to bring us back to the latest theme of my blog:

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Shel Silverstein.

I used to write all these things; ‘deep’, if that’s what you or I would call it, passages, or poems. Well, not really poems, because I think I had like one sincere admirer, my best friend. Anyway, so I used to write and think a lot. I still think a lot, but I used to think of thoughts pertaining to fantasy, imagination, dreams, things i wanted to accomplish that might seem impossible… because someone wanted to listen, as crazy as that sounds. That Person actually, or at least seemed to care…ugh now this is getting sad. I don’t know where I was going with this. Yea, so its 3:30am. Bed time!

Peace out!

Things to think about.

Not that i don’t do enough of it. Anyway. Here you go:

1 Heartbroken emo philosopher. Getting too deep already.
2 Loneliness can kill you slowly even though you’re surrounded by people in Chicago and in NY.
3 When your long time preference of one state to another changes dramatically and you start to imagine yourself in a whole other country.
4 Eating too much while watching EVERYTHING on online.
5 When your third laptop charger fails you and your laptop battery dies, you resort to continuing that episode via your phone, which also has its second charger on the verge to suicide. Again, getting too deep. I Know.
6 This
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7 Missing someone who you know you will never be able to see, talk to, or mention.
8 Life
9 I am a robot now.

You’re welcome.
-Peace out noobs jk i love you people.

Happy Holidays

Its getting worse by the hour. And that’s why you ran away. Smart choice. Can’t wait to go to Chicago and never return. From 5 to 3…congrats and thanks for not being understanding, asking my side with patience, listening, cause no one is supposed to care or listen to her feelings. As he said, ‘you’re feelings dont matter’. Thanks for being bias, and to your instigator who apparently makes your life better every year, and ruins ours mine.

Occasionally a Poet II

What is this life

Its happiness, its saddness

its chaos, its ordered

Moments of joy, moments of misery

its a smile and its a frown

its dragging and it barely stops

its inanimate, and its still real

its a test for patience, its a test for quality

its a reflection of ones existence

A mirror of what you see, not of them

but of your own journey of persistence

Life is a whiff of traveling air

It is a fork with two paths of wrong and  legit.

And, its simply what you make of it.

-Written by eva626