Not choosing a suitor

Hi readers, 

Here’s a topic that is more of self-help for my fellow gals, or a drop-dead shocker to all the aunti’s and old-controling-male-hags of the world. I used to write posts of love and marriage and how everything is so grand and blah blah blah bs.

Well, things change depending on circumstances and basically who you have chosen or who was chosen for you, and you being the best little goody two shoes of the household, agreed upon it. 

Ill just say it now: NEVER GO FOR A FOREIGN BORN BROWN MALE.

First off, you can already tell their lack of intelligence when they try to argue about the dumbest things like, oh so genetics isn’t a real thing or if cancer is real then how come people in the past never had it. All that nonsense that most people won’t have the energy to quarrel on. Like come on, try going to college first. Oh, and the best ones are those questions after you say the very normal words, “duration” or “convenience” followed by the true stupid questions “what do you mean, duration?”. Really? its a darn word…go look it up. 

Second, you’re living in this time era not the one of your zameen (land) in the 18th century. They’ll force you to be apart of their family…nothing is wrong with that except the word FORCE. No, you married that one person not the whole dang kandaan (family). They don’t take into account what type of person they are with, in terms of born and raised in a certain place, in a certain time.

Third, mentality at its finest. OLD. Today’s time and issues are different from way back then. Islam has made it so that people can accommodate on certain issues (not all but ones that take into account the place and time). Rulings and living, etc… Each has its place in life and should be followed. Stick to what you know is right and try NOT to compromise on things you know that are wrong. You might get in trouble with some things I’ve said here, so don’t listen to me for the most part (disclaimer). You’ll always be seen as the bad one, especially because of the cultural differences. Kill that culture if you don’t like it. It might kill you in the processes but so be it. Ha. I am already half way dead. 

Some advice, tell them to deal with it or leave. Of-course you won’t be able to directly, cause your mom, who is also sucked into the stupid social expectation and drama…from noone that really even cares. So you try it for a year, do whatever and hold up your own. When your family goes out of the country leaving you behind like a piece of trash, you drop those cherished words that you’ve been saving ever since two months in, “Like you said before, this isn’t working, you should talk to the parents”. 

Fourth, only go for someone who you fell in love with because no matter how ludicrous and old fashion they may be, you’ll always find a way to love them. But, if its arranged, just don’t do it   you should know what you will be dealing with… a slow death everyday . Heck, even the immigration lady predicted “it doesn’t look like its working out”. Lets see if that holds true. 

Love Cyrus. 

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Stupid Culture

Don’t get me wrong, but being cultured is a part of becoming knowledgable and understanding different groups of people. Thats a great thing. Traveling and absorbing new cultures creates character, tolerance, and makes you kind toward humanity [at least thats the way I see it]. And then there is ‘following dumb cultural traditions’. Oh, this gets on my nerves! I hate it so much. If I know someone and I find out he or she follows a certain cultural tradition that disturbs peoples’ or an individual’s life including my own, I start disliking them slowly. A lot.

This is problematic. So, I turn to Islamic teachings and try to find out if Islam agrees on these traditions or its just stupidity passed on by generation to generation. The latter comes to conclusion most of the time. Then, I take a deep breath and confirm that I am not crazy.

One of my missions in life is to abolish the ‘people think this’ or ‘what will they say’ or ‘but thats how it is’ norm. And, I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

The hard part is when you want to potentially ‘like’ someone, but their thinking is stuck in that profound nonsense. Its so hard not to hurt their feelings. You have to take risks. I try little by little, but when they aren’t getting it, I have to talk about it face-to-my-intense-I-almost-hate-you-face.

Good luck to me.
I hope you all had a great ThanksGiving.

Day 14

Women are such a topic in this world huh? Women are so important…But, Allah makes sure to keep women on a high standing in Islam!. If you aren’t able to see this, you my friend, are doing it wrong. (It as in Life…lol not trying to be philosophical).

I was in the kitchen (oh, when a women is willing to do housework, not only is it nice to do for the family, but also you are getting reward as Jihad!.
” “Women asked Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam), ‘O Messenger of Allah, by performing Jihad the men have grabbed Allah’s favours. Is there any deed that we women can do through which we can obtain the same reward of performing Jihad?’ The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, ‘Yes, if one of you does the work of her house it will fetch her the same reward as performing Jihad.’” [Baihaqi]All the work that is performed inside the house – whether it be related to cooking, cleaning, taking care of children or organizing things – can be a source of great reward for women. So don’t complain about it. If you want Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) to give you Jannah in return for this simple work, thank Him for providing you with this easy way in which to earn the great reward of Jihad, and do it happily.”

I try to remember that…anyway as I was saying, when I was in the kitchen, my sweet mother put a lecture on of Mulana Tariq Jameel.
He was talking about Maryam aka Mary (Peace be upon her) and he talked about Isa aka Jesus (Peace be upon him). [Hazrat Mariam ra by Maulana Tariq Jameel: http://youtu.be/DnKtoZCS4V8%5D

The link above is in Urdu… But insha Allah I will write more about it in my other posts. I actually wanted to share one of the things that melted my heart. It was that in Islam, women are so pure and honored that only Mary (Peace be upon her) is mentioned for the sake of telling Mary (Peace be upon her) and Jesus (Peace be upon him)’s situation…all the other women aren’t because thats how pure we are supposed to think of women!!!!

Btw Eid Mubarak everyone!!! (I’m finally editing this post, so now its a but late but watevs)

The point was, ‘its all about how you think about why something is the way it is…it defines you and your thinking…sadly people might say and think something opposite when the reason is something else’.

Salam. Peace!

Guest Post #3

We all like clothes right? …so why go out with barely none!? (haha. I’m so funny. JK) Anyway, this is a guest post [durf, it says it in the title]. In all seriousness, I have noticed this to be a huge topic on everyone’s mind… so much so that it frustrates me. Kinda. But, people are people, even though sometimes they turn into ‘annoying’ people. I should stop typing…take it away Sana!
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Modesty

Growing up in a western society, it is almost impossible for one to ignore all the flaunting half naked female super models. Boldness is now the new beauty. At least that’s what the media says. We’ve become so desensitized to seeing nudity in the fashion magazines that we no longer stop to think or question its affects on our lives, on our kids and our households. Our youth reveres these personalities so much that they want to emulate them completely. Generally, covering is considered old fashioned. Glamour magazines are being used as “holy texts” because the pressure on women and young teens to look a certain way is immense. Every woman wants to be like the girl in the magazine-the good, curvy, lusciously beautiful female. And women who do choose to dress modestly remain nameless and voiceless; usually viewed as people who have no sense of fashion and yet to experience or taste freedom, in essence desperate to be liberated.

Many of you reading this would probably have a different opinion than me when I say this, but why idolize women that haven’t done anything significant with their lives? Why not put the women, who’ve made significant contributions to the society, and who have complete control over their bodies, on the pedestals? As someone who spent her entire life in this country, I can relate to the experiences of our young Muslim sisters who often wonder where to turn to when in need of Muslim women who they can use as role models. A lot of women think that in order to be successful they must compromise their hijab, and many to a great extent have been affected by this sort of attitude. I came across an article recently which had been published during the New York Fashion Week. The article was about an American Muslim woman, Nzinga Knight, a fashion designer. In her article, she discussed the issues that concern the women in the west today, especially Muslim women. She made some very beautiful and logical points. One of which was that women in the western society think that they are liberated when in reality they are not because they aren’t standing on their feet based on their merit. The only reason they’ve come so far is because they have been doing away with their clothes. I agree with her. Usually, when fashion designers create innovative styles, they have one thing in mind and that is to make the catwalks as voluptuous as possible-creating designs that expose the back and cleavage. Nzinga knight, however, ended up doing something different. She introduced a modest way of dressing through her designs. She says in her article that “…sensuality isn’t always a public display of your skin.” Isn’t this a perfect example for all us Muslim sisters to boast our morale and help us to continue to follow the path of dressing modestly? This is a modern day example of a successful Muslim woman who carries religion in one hand and the world in the other. She’s seemed to have survived without compromising anything. So why can’t we?

Historically, I can recall another great Muslim woman who can be of a great role model for us Muslim sisters. Syeda Khadijah (may Allah be well pleased with her), the first wife of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him). Syeda Khadijah (may Allah be well pleased with her) was a daughter of a wealthy trader by the name of Khuwaylid hence the name Khadijah binte Khuwaylid. Being born in the pre-Islamic era and being raised in a male chauvinistic society, Bibi Khadijah was already ahead of her time. The first Women’s Rights convention was held 1848, but Syeda Khadijah was running a successful trading business long before that. She was not only revered for being the first business lady, but also known for her exceedingly generous attitude towards the less fortunate and the orphans. She sought out to help the poor and needy especially young unmarried girls. She helped with the marriages of girls who were of poor descent and provided for them the dowry. She was referred to as the “princess of Quaraysh” because she was so wealthy. Syeda Khadijah (may Allah be well pleased with her) was deeply dedicated to Islam and always expressed gratitude towards Allah. She scarified all of her wealth for the survival of Islam and always stood by her husband’s side. Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) did not take him a second wife for as long as Syeda Khadijah (may Allah be well pleased with her) lived. All Praise is to Allah, the Al mighty for giving us such a beautiful woman in Islam to revere. Syeda Khadijah is perfect example of how a woman should be. She was a complete woman.
The list of famous historical as well as present day successful Muslim women goes on if one actually makes an effort to look for them. My sisters in Islam- let us look for these women, study them and embody their roles into our lives and be the beautiful creation of Allah that he wants us to be. This is not at all an attack on anyone who chooses to not dress modestly. Below is a link/video I’d like to share with all of you. It will add power to my words.

-Sana Khawar
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Ok, I am back. LOL. Hope you read through all of it…its pretty short actually, but very informative, I thought so. Sana Khawar also wrote another guest post here on yours truly’s [idk] blog. If you got distracted by the link in the very begining of this post, you might have been directed there. You are welcome. And here is another guest post…Check it out. And here is the page where you can find my guest posts I wrote on other people’s blogs. You better check them out [thats a bit harsh..eh watevs].

If you want me to guest post on your blog or website…I will love to do it!!! [please? I love guest posting and give me a topic] Also, if you want to be cool and guest post on my blog, I would LOVE that. It can be any appropriate topic and an image/video/whatever else would be nice with it. Just TELL ME [via comment or email, which is in one of the tabs/pages above this blog. [fine, its “herenownotforeva.gmail.com”].

Peace out, tell your mom I said hi. -eva626

Guest Post #2

Hello people, today I have a very interesting article for you! One of my friends’ friend let me post up a post that she wrote for VerbalMuslim. She has about 6 articles written! Cool huh. Ok, so please read it ‘TILL THE END. Comments would be nice!

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In the name of God, the most Gracious, the most Compassionate
Before I start, I just want to say that reading the Quran with translation is one of the best things that has happened to me. All of us are proficient at reading the Arabic Quran, but not many of us take the time out to read the translation. I think it is so crucial for each and everyone of us to read the Quran with translation. On that note, let’s move on to my brief analysis of chapter 4, verse 34, Al-Nisa as stated below.

“Men are the maintainers of women because of that with which Allah has made some of them to excel the others and because of what they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great.” –Al-Nisa Verse 34

In this argument, the determinant point is the meaning of the verse 34. Why is this verse so controversial? It is an issue of debate because it goes against the ethics of the modern western society and the notion of human rights. Beating is considered a violent crime and violence is condemned in all religions. Islam is a religion of peace so then why is beating your spouse (under extreme circumstances) permissible? My initial reaction after reading the translation of the verse was, “what? Beat them? How can (Allah) who loves you seventy times more than your own mother sanction such a law?” Upon further scrutiny of the verse, I realized I didn’t comprehend the nature of the verse. What does it really mean? To understand this verse, I had to analyze the following line:

“Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made them to excel the others and because they spend out their property, the good women are therefore obedient.”

Let’s dissect this line by first identifying gender roles and various characteristics that apply to both men and women. Men are naturally strong individuals; they have the ability to generalize and conceptualize abstract ideas. Men, generally, perform better at perceptual ability tasks as compared to women. Women, on the other hand, are fragile, emotional and delicate by nature. Therefore, it is safe to say that Allah has given men authority over women because of the qualities they possess. These traits allow them to serve as guardians and protectors of their women. Now, this does not mean a woman cannot do what she wants. This is a huge misconception that westerners have of Muslim women. Yes, a man looks after his wife in all her affairs but this does not mean that the woman loses her identity nor has identity of her own. She has freewill to do whatever it is that she wants to do as long as it is lawful. She can take part in any profession; keeping in mind her lawful duties towards her husband and children.

But if a woman is disobedient, how do you treat her?
“You fear recalcitrance, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places, and beat them;”

Let’s analyze the Arabic word for beating. The word ḍribūhunna” comes from the root word “daraba”, which means to hit, to strike, to set up, and to condemn. It also many times means to separate, to hide and to conceal. As many of you know that one Arabic word can have multiple meanings. The word “daraba” alone has over thirty different meanings, but in the Quran it is used at ten different places with ten different meanings. From this, one can see that each person that’s reading this verse reads according to his or her own understanding of the word. When I read the verse over with a better understanding of the word “daraba”, to me it meant that if a woman is rebellious and disobedient, she is (first) warned, (second) left alone, (third) separated from her husband (divorced, possibly).

Almost all the translations I came across had the word “beating.” Even with the word beating there, does it give a husband the authority to beat his wife viciously if she doesn’t listen to him? No. if one carefully examines Prophet Muhammad’s (pbuh) life and his conduct towards his wives, one will not find any Hadith that talks about the Prophet (pbuh) hitting any of his wives. Prophet (pbuh) said: “Woman is but a doll; he who takes it should not destroy it.” The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) used to wonder aloud: “How can you embrace the woman with a hand you had hit her with?” This goes to show that hitting your wife is not at all encouraged in Islam.

Many people will still come forward and say, “But it’s still there, the word beating is in the Quran” my line of defense is “well so is stoning women in the bible. Why does the bible say ‘…the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die.’- Deuteronomy 22:13-21. So if your wife is not found a virgin on the wedding night, she has to be stoned to death. So, before anyone jumps to say that Islam allows the beating of women, please explain to me the idea of stoning women in the bible.

In the end, I want to close off by saying that if certain individuals misuse this verse to misrepresent the religion, then it is the individual’s fault, not the religion’s. Islam is a beautiful religion and it does not de-humanize women in any way.  I am a Muslim woman and I have freewill. I have freedom and I walk shoulder to shoulder with men, proudly.

Allah knows best!
–  Sana Khawar

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I loved reading her post…it clears so many things. I think everyone should use the capability to think and research on any topic before making a judgement. Thanks for reading!

Feminism…ok, just shut up.

Not all females are feminists. I mean what is feminism anyway? Flinging your headscarfs out the window or worse…other things as was done in the 1960s in America. That is not feminism…sorry to burst your tiny bubble, but getting rid of pieces of clothing from your body only shows how dumb you are. You don’t respect yourself, how will this make others respect you? I mean come on, you are climbing back the “evolutionary” ladder…animals are unclothed, not humans. Clothes are made to cover us and protect our body parts, not show them off. Ew thats disgusting…ok I am done talking almost naked people.

Just know this, modesty = feminism. With modesty comes pulling out of current social pressures, for example Barbie. Hopefully now you understand. What if you WANT to show off to people, just so they can judge you even more…thats your problem. Good luck with living your life based on what others “impose” on you. There is more to life then just people (of course you are supposed to care about people, their feelings, possessions, ideas, thoughts, humanity, etc… but I mean about what people think about YOU in particular). Everyone is supposed to respect one another…its ethics and morals, no matter what religion or ideas you follow. Ok back to ‘feminism’.

I don’t believe in the type of Feminism that most people think about when they think of this term. They think its about Females ruling the world (that said, what makes this right and then what makes Men ruling the world wrong?…you want to dominate over the other gender…is that it?) This doesn’t make sense to me (not that it matters lol). I think that males and females have to work together in this world for the sake of humanity…even though today’s era is somewhat lost on common sense.

Honestly speaking, the most rights of women I have learned, read about, and am trying to follow is in Islam. Females were given the right to inheritance, work for their own satisfaction and self, vote, counted in socitey more than 1400 years ago by way of Islam. That is way before the US or anyother country or group sought existance of them. If you haven’t seen the video I shared in one of my posts, please do so, there is a segment where it touches the questions of rights of females in it. Females have been honored so much in Islam. This post can go on and on about this topic but I will cut it short and leave you with this picture below. Hopefully it will clear some misconceptions that society has fogged up and hid from your innocent minds:
image

“The status of Women is so high in Islam, that even Men wish they were Women”